The evening my wife opened our front door and a drunken Puerto Rican woman asked to see me, I knew I had some more explaining to do. The day started out innocently enough, my wife toiling away at work while I stayed home hanging a drop ceiling in our soon-to-be finished basement. At around noonish, this Puerto Rican lady rang the doorbell.
“What do you want?” I had asked.
She smiled and pointed to Mrs. Anderson’s house, our bed-ridden arthritic neighbor. I heard three forced words in broken English, “Milk, bread, ride.” That’s when I thought I understood; Our Catholic Church (the one I hadn’t gone back to since the day I got married) arranged to have affordable caretakers looking after Mrs. Anderson—this must be one of them, a heavier set, freckled J Lo.
“Just a sec,” I said, before grabbing my car keys. I offered to drive her to Farmer Jacks, the nearest grocery store, but she insisted on the party store across the street. At first I waited in the car; then I decided a six pack of beer might help me get through my project. As I stepped into the store, the clerk was placing J Lo’s items in a bag—a fifth of cheap vodka and a pack of cigarettes.
I guess because of my purchase, she thought it would be fine to come back later in the day and see if I’d make another liquor run for her. “Husband here?” she asked my wife.
“No he’s not, nor do I expect him home any time soon.”
The Puerto Rican woman looked at my parked car in the driveway and staggered across our lawn. I set my beverage on the kitchen table, approached my wife and said, “I can explain.”
25 comments:
You've been tagged with an award!
That would be a hard one to explain to the wife...
Poor Mrs. Anderson... :(
Hey JR. I sure hope this blog isn't going to your head. You won another award from the thinker. Josie had you on her site(Herringbone mug shot) comparing you to some famous actor,and by your most recent admission you are convorting with the hired help in all places the liqour store? Man, sounds like another "My Name is Earl episode!"
Is that what over 6000 hits does to you? Reel it in man. MW
I'm sure your wife was understanding enough...but what about the poor feeble neighbor? ;)
And did you? Explain I mean.
By popular demand, Separated at Birth will be reposted later this evening. I'm safe over here in Victoria (ha!)
Oh, lord, you've been tagged with "The Thinker" award meme. There'll be no living with you :-)
Josie
Eurggh. J.Lo should be fined. Can't she be struck off the list? I know its unlikely, but the poor old dear is bed-ridden for god's sake. This is a great post, but uncovering a sickening snapshot: all down to a reliance, a desperate need for that which imprisons us - money, for a money fuelled addiction that serves to help one woman (who is likely a victim herself on one level) blot reality out..
The problem really does lie with an unquestioning acceptance of 'this reality' we are born into accepting. How can a systen that is allowing poor arthiritic old dears to be treated this way be worth keeping. Before real change, and real good can be re-injected into society - we need to really continually question what the 'state' is doing to us, and stop thinking that the present ruling class actually care. They patently don't. They LOOK DOWN on us - look at what is happening 'in their name'. Today Mrs Anderson, tomorrow - maybe one of you....
And I know this had nothing to do with "the government", but the scenario of leaving the weak to dangle inside the jaws of the depraved is happening inside that which they helped create.
What a way to spend your day off! You will need The Thinker Award to wiggle your way out of explaining J Lo and why the ceiling hasn't been hung yet! Hah!
those puerto rican women are nothing but trouble i tell you. Nothing but trouble. I can tell however, your wife knows just how to handle them. ;) Mental note to never show up at your door.
You know, JR, your life is never dull.
Donnetta
Jim, After reading today's post, its just that time to go get me a cold one!! I don't have to worry about the Puerto Ricans but those "other" kind, if you know who I mean. :) --Bro, Ron
Please report that "lady" to the church that has hired her. That's awful!
Also, I'm curious about this basement project. On most of the home improvement shows I watch, They REMOVE dropped ceilings from basements. I guess I'll wait for pictures.
Lovely. If your wife knows you well, she shouldn't be worried, should she?
Sure, you can explain it but did your wife buy it ... aha! That's what enquiring readers want to know. Congrats on the award. Your last few posts have been absolutely first class - interesting and captivating.
hahaha did she buy it?
I had a similiar problem here once, only it was just for cigarettes. However, I had to drive my drughead neighbor about 13 miles away to a different town. It only happened once.
yeah, that definetly would suck...
You got some slaining to do.
From a writer's standpoint, some of the best stories ever have begun with: "I can explain..."
Hey Jim,
congrats on the "Thinking Blogger" award. I hereby bestow an informal "Thinking Fast On Your Feet" award, as well ;)
Though I agree with Danny, there's a bit of gallows humor, too, in the wide loopholes inherent to the Catholic approach toward life.
Jim,
I'm thinking this would be an excellent scene in a story! You've got to put this in somewhere.
JR I live at seven and Kelly and used to live at Fenkell and meyers. While living on the west side i had a constant crack head banging on the door until i answered it, even a gun would not stop him from asking for money or a ride or something he could sell, when we moved to the East Side we fenced in the front yard with 4 foot cyclone fence and the back is totally unaccessable. Highly reccomend that after you explain..put up a front fence that can be locked.
where there is one junkie there is a tribe of them waiting to descend on the kind.
Interesting post here!!!! Bring on more please...
Hey, whats with the Strohs hat?? You related to the Strohs??? I happened to look at your blog and your wearing a Strohs hat along with some plaid suit coat...
LOL! what's the name of your street?
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