THE GRADUATION WINDMILL

Administration called an emergency meeting the other day in regards to our prison graduation ceremony. A staff member overheard a few inmates jaw-jacking about turning the screws on someone during the event. Prior to this, and mainly due to a mediocre response on the participation forms, we decided to combine two security levels into one. What does this mean? Not much—a mixture of Level IV inmates (a higher security level of rapists, pedophiles, murderers, drug dealers, and thieves) with Level II inmates (a lower security level of rapists, pedophiles, murderers, drug dealers, and thieves). Anyway, a couple of the Level IV gentlemen are allegedly targeting some of the Level II gentlemen for a little extracurricular activity, otherwise known as “opening a can of whup ass.”

The Warden alerted our school principal of the potential for a melee and allowed her the opportunity to make the decision. She, in turn, had us teachers, the school officer, and the school secretary vote on whether to proceed as normal. Seven staff members, five “yays,” one “nay,” and one “looks like my vote doesn’t matter.”

Personally, I’ve seen how some of these youngsters fight, their so-called boxing technique—something I refer to as wind milling, where they throw a flurry of wild punches hoping something lands before the exhaustion sets in—it’s downright laughable. If mayhem breaks out, it’ll be over as soon as it starts.

I’m only guessing as to why other staff members were unaffected by the possibilities, the potential hazards. The Horticulture teacher, why should someone who hands out shovels be concerned about a slight misunderstanding or disagreement between inmates? The Food Tech teacher, no shovels here, only knives. As long as those critical tools are on the shadow boards when the ceremony begins everything should be fine. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow … hopefully … that is ... if a riot doesn’t jump off over graduation photos.