I'M SUCH A CATFISH!

There has to be an incentive for me to shake hands with a bored twelve-year old chubby kid at his older sister’s birthday party. Watching him greet his sister’s friends with a secret handful of chip dip makes me chuckle. “Who taught you that?” an angry mother asks. That’s my cue to exit the room.



I guess you could say I’m probably not a textbook example of how an uncle should act. I can’t help myself. Why not make things interesting in the subtlest of ways? It gets people on the edge of their seats. Never a dull moment.

We had our annual catfish cook-up at my mother’s house on Saturday, and while delivering a plate of Cajun cats to the table, my wife had me pose for a picture (okay, not exactly—I suggested it). Unfortunately—depending on your perspective—two of my three nieces, ranging in age from four to twelve, saw what I had done. I’m sure that since they're the older two, they told their mother (my sister-in-law); however, she’s fairly tolerant of my antics and dismisses their concerns. No need to question Uncle Jim’s motives. At least my wife thinks I'm quite the catch.

I’m forever pulling this same prank in my classroom. An inmate will request the use of the bathroom. I’ll reach in my desk drawer and pull out a small lacquered wooden paddle with the word “PASS” on it. I’ll make sure to hand it to him in such a way for all to see. “Just for you,” I’ll announce, commanding the attention of everyone else. It’s never a deterrent.