"For everything you’ve done you know
Natalie Merchant
"Kind & Generous"
I don’t expect anything from anybody. No free handouts. No pats on the back. No nothing. I’ve always had to work for everything I’ve got. My payoff: my paycheck.
Some inmates will remind me that my check doesn’t look much different than a welfare check—same State of Michigan emblem, only the numbers are bigger. I tell them I have direct deposit.
Yesterday, I was cleaning out my office area when I came across the only thank you letter (or as we call them in prison—kite) in my fifteen years of working with the Michigan Department of Corrections. When I first received this kite, I kept it on my refrigerator at home for at least three months. My wife, tired of looking at it, asked if it could be removed. Some how it ended up in a paper pile in my basement hideaway. Actually, I have several paper piles—an indication that my organizational skills might improve if I were to eliminate all the crap.
For instance, in one pile, I have the same damned story printed out twenty different ways—to the point that I no longer know which version is the latest, or which version is the best. My wife refuses to read any of it because I’m never satisfied with the end result anyway. She’s even discovered that publishing a story doesn’t halt my dissatisfaction. I can’t blame her—why get caught up in a writer’s misery?
As for receiving only one written thank you from an inmate in fifteen years, that’s partially my fault too. I never give them credit. Instead, I push them as far as I can. I’ll say, "Look, a GED ain’t squat. Let’s test my dog next." Few understand what I actually mean. The inmate who wrote this kite, he understood. Hopefully he was able to further his education, or at least recognize the importance of striving to do better.
12 comments:
well, u weren't looking for thanks but got one. whether you look at it as 'only one' or 'a miracle to get one at all' is up to you. sounds like a good thing to save though. i prolly would've.
I know what you mean, Jim. The inner satisfaction that you've done your best is most important, but the satisfaction that you've made a difference, helped another along the way, is icing on the cake. And I hear ya on the paper piles, especially the 20 different versions of the same story! I cleaned out most of my stuff at the beginning of the summer, threw out some old stories & poetry. I regret it a little, but it's also like a clean slate to write on.
JR I have told you before I think you over write your stories. C.S. Lewis said the same thing to JRR Tolkien. The first draft was his best. The fifteenth made it another story. Let it rip and let it go. Easy for me to say I'm not the artist. This should eliminate your clutter, and the problem of identifying the latest revision.
Great post. You are doing better than me. I have yet to get a thank you from an inmate. I think they know I would ask them, much like you do, "O.K. what do you want.? Are you trying to set me up?" MW
Hey Jim and everybody,
This one is such a combo of miserable and funny! Here's to creative chaos. It's hard to keep things, it's hard to throw things out. I've got my main deck in fair shape, but the basement, well. . . more to go through, always. Why not just date each draft (says the librarian/archivist in me)? ~~E'
Were it not for my penchant for chaos I may never have had children, which, as you know is often a thankless job.
I feel your pain!!!
Jacqui
Do you ever run into any of the inmates you've taught after they've been released?
hey, thanks for stopping by my blog - it's always great to meet new people...
Writing and rewriting (and editing) is all about version control, I've found. I'm constantly at my co-editor at the mag to keep better track of edited and non-edited articles.
Numbering or renaming. Anything!
I find myself proofreading the same mistakes over and over because she keeps giving me the wrong versions to proofread.
I'm the complete opposite. I will only keep one version of anything, so bad luck if I want to revert to the previous one because I liked what I said before better. Too late!
Hey Bobby,
The answer to your question is "YES!" I mentioned a few incidents in my August 4th post: "It's a Small World."
Hey Michelle,
It's funny how writers have to deal with the editors and vice-versa. I guess you just have to establish a relationship with various editors and learn to work around each other's faults. That is, if it's really worth the trouble.
inner satisfaction is always great! I had my own a couple days ago... it isn't about writing but it's great just the same... I fit into my jeans from last year!! I bought them and only wore them twice before they were really too snug (damn winter poundage) and I put them back on a couple days ago and they are even a little loose! YES! I told my boyfriend and he just stared at me... I don't think guys get how important that is.... hehe just thought I'd share with you even if you don't understand!
I remember a patient I picked up who was on six different meds, mildly depressed, unmotivated, and "stuck." So, I agreed to see her additionally for psychotherapy. As the sessions went on, she seemed to dramatically improve, doing activities again that she had abondoned, taking vacation trips, etc.; a nurse and our receptionist even mentioned to me how happy and animated she had become. After three months, when I asked if she needed meds refilled, she said, "I quit taking them three months ago." What! "I feel so much better without them." This is all to say that I suspect that the most "thank worthy" things that we do are hidden from us, probably for the best. I say to evey inmate, "I never want to see you again," meaning in here, and if I don't, I'm satisfied.
Thanks for your comment on "Scoff."
Jim, It would be interestin to find out if the "dude" is out and contributing to the society?? I moved my mess to the garage after we completed our basement. I told my wife that it's closer to the garbage. As at work, that's why we have ISO audits, to make sure we are filing our documents correctly! Bro Ron
Bro Ron,
The inmate who wrote this, believe it or not, is still in prison. Certainly puts things in perspective, doesn't it?
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