YOU SAY GOODBYE, I SAY HELLO

Here’s the title I should’ve used: “You’re Only As Good As Your Last Day.” No, no, no—wouldn’t that imply that I’m still waiting to be good; which, in turn means that I’m very very bad, considering I just experienced a temporary last day, one of many many more to come? Wouldn’t that mean I’m no better than my former coworker, a special education teacher with twenty-eight years of State Employment, whom the Michigan State Police escorted away in matching silver bracelets? Hey, in all fairness, she beat the drug smuggling case; threats to her family were never shared with our correctional facility’s inspectors. Shame on her! She should’ve trusted the Department of Corrections in her time of crisis; afterall, we’re family too!

So here’s what happened: Yesterday I was told to report to the deputy warden’s office. Upon my arrival I was offered a cup of coffee, which I declined, asking instead for a glass of water. Before I could take my first sip, the warden and my union representative appeared. The deputy warden did the talking. “You must leave the grounds effective immediately. You can not teach here without a current teaching certificate.”

My rebuttal, “My certificate is current. I can’t make the Department of Education move any faster in mailing me the piece of paper. In fact, they have until August 30th, the beginning of a public school year, to get it to me.”

Their counter, “Then you will be on lost time until then.”

My counter to their counter, “Then you will end up paying me regardless.”

We had a cordial meeting. I asked if I could at least lock-up my classroom materials before heading over to personnel (their suggestion as a last ditch effort to rectify the situation, a suggestion they didn’t have to make considering that the personnel department, at one time, had been held hostage.)

I reconnected with my union representative in the personnel manager’s office. I had the opportunity to exam the documents implicating me in my crime. The first document came from the Department of Education’s website. I pointed out that it was last updated on April 12, 2005. The second document came from a civil service email and stated that my renewal date was June 30, 2006. I explained that “renewal” and “expiration” could not be used interchangeably because I have a window period of time to provide my teaching certificate. The personnel manager, through her mannerisms, basically said, “Too bad.” I, in turn, reminded her of our facility's past hiring practice where they hired a laid-off graphic artist, someone who did not have the required credentials, and let him teach GED classes.

She informed me that he was a contractual employee.

I informed her that perhaps they should hire all contractual employees and screw unions.

By now you’re wondering about my United Autoworkers’ representation. My rep stepped in at this point and asked if she could make the necessary phone calls to straighten out the whole situation. The personnel manager reluctantly agreed.

I waited in the employee lunchroom. Within fifteen minutes my union rep had the Department of Education fax a permission slip for me to continue working; I guess their state employee who updates their teaching certificates website had been out on sick leave.

So who do you think gave me the green light? You got it—my union rep. Hi-ho, hi-ho, off to work I go, you say good-bye and I say hello.