I’ll try not to be long winded and conserve energy.When I think about having eggs sunny-side up, I think about that commercial: This is your brain (egg) and this is your brain on drugs (yolk surrounded by white sizzling in pan). Of course—mainly because I don’t cook—this takes me back to a small diner in Carson City, Michigan. I had gone there for breakfast prior to attending a TABE (Test of Adult Basic Education) Conference. Not knowing the area, I had asked about directions and a good place to eat just in case I decided to leave early and beat the traffic.
It just so happened that one of my classroom tutors at the time, Mr. Berrera, a farm-boy/crack-addict, grew up in that area. He and I were not on the best of terms on account of his woefully lacking academic skills. Hey, I don’t hire these guys; the classification director simply plucks the next name off a list. I had heard the other tutors teasing him about his bank robbing experience, so I chimed in, "What? Did you leave the teller a note with your address on it?" The other tutors yucked it up while Mr. Berrera turned beet red. Anyway, Mr. Berrera, the forgiving person that he is, claimed that he was from Carson City and knew of a good place to eat. Thus the diner.
When I ordered my breakfast special, two eggs sunny-side up, hashbrowns, toast, and coffee, the waitress, detecting that I wasn’t a regular, asked, "What brings you to Carson City?" So I told her about the conference. She seemed satisfied with my answer and went about her business.
Just before I paid my bill, I asked her if she knew of a guy named Berrera. "He went to prison for robbing a bank," I explained.
She burst out laughing. "He’s from here," she said. "He was on that television show, ‘World’s Dumbest Criminals.’ He robbed our local bank and left behind his pay stub. Not that it mattered. Everyone knows everyone."
Can you believe it? And all I’m guilty of is leaving the refrigerator door open too long. Time to close it. Time to fry some eggs.
14 comments:
Wow. What a small world. I love stupid criminals. They just don't have a clue. Did the theif in question cash his check before or after the robbed the place?
I love America's dumbest criminals, I don't know why I just do.
He wrote his intentions on the back of his paystub--"This is a bank robbery"--followed by his demands.
JR: thanks for the visit. I haven't read the short stories, but I wonder if any were suitable, whether I could use them in a Reading/Writing class? I'm looking for stories for the next semester, but I'm unsure about the level of the students as yet. It'd be good to use someone's story who I know.
How would I go about it? Of course I need to find something which is within reach of their understanding, and I need to find time to read them first, but I'm sure they'll be mighty fine from what I read.
Jim,
That's about what I'd do -- being such a mess. Glad I'm not robbing anyone! Loved this story.
Haha!! I've heard about that one!! No wonder he blushed...
I have the stupid criminals book. I'll have to find Barerra (sic?) in there.
Comedian Bill Hicks has a great bit about the "This is your brain on drugs campaign." He says: "Now I have been on a lot of f**kin' drugs, and I have NEVER seen an egg look like a brain."
That's too funny that you guessed his secret. He must have been so embarrassed.
BTW, how was the breakfast at the diner?
Josie
Good story. That's what happens when substances are abused. He should be the poster person. MW
I love these stories about stupid criminals. It's so funny. And in a small town where everybody knows everyone else, go figure.
Jim, Now thats what I call a DA-dumb arss. It figures with the wacking people out there. --Bro, ROn
I don't really like sunny side up eggs but yes, they do remind me of that drug commercial. haha. I like scrambled eggs. They are my favorite, with a little bit of shredded cheese sprinkled on the top.
I'll have eggs over easy!!! Thank-You sir!!
TWO SCRAMMBLED EGGOS PLEASE!!!
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