Friday, November 24, 2006

HOLIDAY CASUALITIES, GET IT OVER QUICK!














Two years ago I celebrated Christmas on Thanksgiving Day and my wife nearly killed my dad. It’s always difficult getting family together. Usually Thanksgiving dinner becomes an open forum for negotiating where Christmas will be held. On this particular occasion, we merged the two holidays together at my parent’s house, including opening gifts.

We’ve done this dual holiday thing in the past. But since my wife nearly killed my dad, he has put his foot down. “I want Christmas to be on Christmas day, not Thanksgiving.” I certainly can sympathize with him; afterall, it was I who had to drive him to the hospital and wait for three hours. He sat in the passenger seat, silently pleading for me to speed-up because he was having difficulty breathing.

There were other causalities in the emergency room on that day: a man who leaned back in his chair while laughing at a relative’s joke until he toppled over and cracked his head on the tiled kitchen floor; a diabetic woman who ate enough sweets as if nothing in the world mattered to her anymore; and an exhausted housewife who accidentally cut herself with an electric knife.

This year Thanksgiving ran smoothly. My wife no longer brings her delicious cheesecake topped with walnuts. As she pointed out to me, my dad should’ve known better. He snuck a piece of dessert as soon as we arrived, way before dinner, way before the normal holiday traditions. Also, he did not tell anyone (too embarrassed I guess) that he made a terrible error in judgment—not until his tongue swelled-up, not until the skin from the back of his throat started to tear away and bleed, not until his airway shutdown. So now we know he’s allergic to walnuts. We're still debating over Christmas though.

14 comments:

Wichita-Lineman said...

Holidays get togethers are when families show their true colors.

Anonymous said...

Allergic and still sneaking pieces? I hope that once he was ok, you smacked him over the head and told him he should've had a v8!

GrizzBabe said...

Your poor dad. What a terrible way to spend your holiday. Here's hoping this year was full of a little less excitement.

Laura said...

Wait a minute. Did he already know he was allergic to walnuts before he snuck a piece? If he did, I agree with Claudia. Smack him upside the head. What was he thinking? Sounds like something my husband would do.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Ah, families: the Freudian 'scene of the crime.' Belated Happy Thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

What a Thanksgiving story! Hope you have a safe and blessed one this year.

Erik Donald France said...

A la Wichita-Lineman: stories are usually to be had when people are confronted with the tensions and conflicting wants of holidays -- great to write about, less so to live through sometimes.

Happy Black Friday! Better than being burned alive in Iraq.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like your family's a bit like mine. Every year, there's a big fight over whether Thanksgiving dinner will be served at my grandmother's house or my mom's house. And my grandmother always wins.

At least we don't have to make any trips to the hospital though. I hope your dad learned his lesson!

JR's Thumbprints said...

I believe he was in denial. My mom said it had happened to him before, only not as bad.

Anonymous said...

Jim, Hopefully this won't happen to Dad again now that he has gotten a little bit smarter. This Thanksgiving went without a hitch! --Bro ,Ron

Anonymous said...

Okay, well..I want a large screen tv for christmas.,,you know..one of those HD plasma thingys. Since you've been doing the Black Thursday Circuit City thing, I thought I would ask. And if not, I'll settle for an XBOX 360..with harddrive.

Anonymous said...

Wait..commented on the wrong post. Some people are probably reading my other comment and going:"What an insensitive guy." Others are scratching their heads.

So...to address the right post this time: Emergency rooms are no fun. I hope this year isn't as traumatic as the last.

Anonymous said...

LOL...this story actually made me laugh outloud! Families..or should I say...parents sometimes are exasperating in a funny way...I could see my mom do something like that! Easily! Too easily, in fact!

Ellie

Anonymous said...

haha what a great opening line. Had me captured the instant I read it!