DO YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS?

When I stopped over my parent’s house several Christmases ago, my dad had Santa Claus chained to a tree. I wanted to ask him how Santa was going to deliver presents to all those good little boys and girls around the world. He didn’t give me a chance. “Those pisscutters stole your mother’s Santa,” he explained, “but they aren’t getting this one.” Pisscutters, for whatever reason, seemed to be my dad’s most popular reference for bored teenagers in the area. It was those pisscutters that smashed his mailbox with a baseball bat. It was those pisscutters that gave him a lawn job. My dad’s word choice seemed appropriate. So did his keen sense of observation when it came to pointing the finger—all it takes, he had said, is for one rotten kid to live nearby.

My dad’s always had his suspicions, like when his battery disappeared from his truck, and Steve, the kid on the next street, managed to get his eggbeater of a car running the very next day. Steve, as rumor would have it, did a few local B & E’s. The Michigan State Police visited his house quite often.

One neighbor, Mr. Nelson, ran onto his back deck and lost his footing while giving chase to an unidentified thief. I remember coming home from high school, his two daughters stepping off the bus, greeting him while he waited in the driveway, sitting in his wheel chair, his head propped up, a quadriplegic, not unlike the late Christopher Reeves. I also wondered about Steve’s innocence and how he felt as he sat near the back, staring out the window. It didn’t take him long to switch to the opposite side of the bus where he didn’t have to look at Mr. Nelson on a daily basis.

This year I put my plastic Santa Claus lawn ornament in my fenced-in backyard, overlooking the waterfall on my pond. I can see him from the kitchen window above the sink, waiting for his sleigh and reindeer, the pond lights marking the landing strip. Santa’s on a timer, his superpowers evident in the late evening hours. He’s much safer there than out front. Plus, my backyard and wood deck are very well lit at night. Not that I’d give chase to any intruders.