Clayton Middleton, our platoon leader for General Biscuit, conducted monthly meetings at our district warehouse off Tireman Road on Detroit’s west side. He’d review our sales quotas, scrutinize our expense reports, inform us of new stores coming to our areas, and introduce new products. In a highly competitive cookie/cracker market, Clayton reminded us how to: 1) use point of purchase displays to maximize profits, 2) take advantage of chain stores advertising GB products, and 3) convince store managers to include us in their weekly flyers during special rebate offers. Clayton was the embodiment of a professional. Only once did I see him lose his cool - during the unveiling of a new cookie. Giddier than a little school child, his fingers gripping a white bed sheet draped over a large display, he started talking about "Barney" and "The Land Before Time." Clayton-the-Matador ready to wow us, ready to razzle-dazzle us into a selling frenzy, however, his secretary whispered in his ear that he had an urgent phone call from corporate. He apologetically excused himself from the room.
While he was out, Dick, our number one cookie/cracker sales rep, reached under the sheet and grabbed a package of Dinosaur Grahams. The package quickly worked its way around the conference table, each of us biting into a cookie.
"I don’t want’em on my route," Dick said. "They taste like cardboard."
Soon everyone was in agreement. Shitty tasting cookies with a rip-off Tony-the-Tiger slogan—Dinosaur Grrrrrahams—Phooey!
When Clayton returned, he threw a tantrum. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. "You had to wreck the surprise didn’t you? You had to take the fun out of it." He reached for the half-eaten package and chucked it against the wall.
Within two months Dick was outselling everyone. "Kids just love them dinosaurs," he said.
18 comments:
Jim, Nice Dinosaor Graham cookies!! The kids probably jumped at them due to the cardboard container/cover just like all those cereals on display. Especially ones that come with toys. Our kids eat up the Mickie D's toys!!! They go for the toy before the FOOD!!! Hey, you always have something to fall back on if something goes wrong in Prison!!! :) --Bro, Ron
Bro Ron took the cookie,ummm... words right out of my mouth. You could always sell cookies out of the trunk of the limousine if you ever need to fall back into the chauffeuring gig.
Hummm... maybe you could paint some pink wings on the side of the limo and get a chrome plated dino hood ornament?
I love your stories. Btw, someone hijacked Josie's old blog and turned her into the blogger police!!
Kids DO love dinosaurs and would most likely eat cardboard if it had enough sugar on it.
Fly me to the moon!!!!
I like the ones with pink icing. MW
Can I have more dinosaw cookies plis? Pretty plis?
Sounds like Dick could/would sell ice cubes to an Eskimo!
Poor, boss. Seems like a scene from "The Office."
Thanks for the "why bloggers blog" comment. This Monday post is what I meant (in my reply to it at POI) when I said,
"Like my brother, you too find humor and "lessons" in the raw realities of some unusual work settings.
Your edgy, tongue-in-cheek "tales from teaching in the prison system" [are] sort of a "Welcome Back Cotter" with Sam Spade in the title role. Best of all they're set in the same Detroit metro/retro streets of my boyhood."
Just wanted you to know that it's a complement. =)
Great last line with good double meaning. I've always wondered about the appeal of dinosaurs -- they always seemed so boring to me even as a child (except Dino on The Flinstones).
hum, maybe we all need to slap some dinosaurs into our next books.
You participated in this ruining of his surprise? And here I thought you were a nice guy, JR....
I have been known to lose my cool over the unveiling of a new cookie as well.
BTW, your Big Foot award was the real deal, and well deserved. And it wasn't some stupid computer-frying meme :-)
Your stories are wonderful.
Josie
Once upon a time I sold retail, even though I sold auto repairs for Sears i had to attend the rah rah meetings. man you always seem to bring back some boring times that now are laughable memories. Thank you from a poet of no note.
Your writing is better than Brooks (there I thew down th gauntlet for you) I suggest a short story contest with both of your readers voting on which is better. Michelle are you up to this independently not paid for challenge.
Hey Mark (ie, The Walking Man),
Jim is an EXCELLENT writer. There's no way I'm going into this challenge. I'd have to support Jim all the way.
So a challenge between two EXCELLENT writers...it would be a short story poetry like slam!
Don't either of you be wary, if you both agree we'll figure the details out like an old fashioned duel at ten paces.
and you also know Jim would support YOU so there would be cancelling votes.
First rule though...new work only not something already written and you both would have to agree to a word count and time line no longer than a week.
JR you can do this man, win, lose or, draw, it certainly would be a fine thing because you write so well and have so much to say as does your opponent.
Ther is not even bragging rights involved...just story telling that gives us a chance to give props to two very different styles.
Hi JR: All I can say is, "What a Dick!"
Donnetta
Donnetta Lee said... Hi JR: All I can say is, "What a Dick!"
Donnetta
uhhh OK that is an insult that has been hurled at me before but usually in the guise of the word PRICK, but in this case it was just an idea to have a little fun at no one's expense, not trying to fuck someone or make one or the other look bad.
But then if that makes me a "dick" than I guess I am a dick, forgive me for raising the topic and controversy.
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