When I first started blogging about my experiences as a limousine driver, I searched every family photo album readily available and came up empty handed. I found zero evidence to support my claim of driving a white Lincoln Continental or Volvo stretch limousine. There were no visual clues of myself standing near a limo, no pictures of me wearing a chauffeur's cap slightly tilted forward, no black leather gloves used for opening and closing doors and clutching the steering wheel, no mirrored sunglasses showing traces of former clients. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.As we all know, on the internet you can be anyone you want to be. I could be a swimming pool installer if I so choose. Not much glamour in that. I've found it easier to write about current events in my life, stuff that’s fresh in my mind, instead of recreating events from the past. In this picture, I’m trying to find a leak in my pool, running my fingers along the seams. Unfortunately none were found, so I’ll have to buy a new liner, and soon, very soon, with Memorial Day fast approaching.
But let me back up here. Let me take you into the past, into a large, muddy parking lot. I’m speaking on the phone: “It says here that I’m picking up my clients at a carnival at 23 Mile Road and Van Dyke. I hope I’m not dealing with a bunch of carnies.”
My instructions were unclear; my client’s background vague. No one in the office knew much about it. It was too late anyway. They descended upon me like a pack of rabid dogs, cash in hand and coolers fully stocked; carnies ready to party until morning. I asked them for their destination. “Just drive,” I was told.
After an hour of cruising, I had to pull over on M-59. My clients were hanging outside the sunroof, launching empty beer bottles into the air. I refused to drive until they promised to behave. Then we continued on our journey with nowhere in particular to go.
20 comments:
Scary -- the pool leak, especially. Carnies, oy' -- the ones at St. Joan of Arc hang out at Tudges, a bleak bar if there ever was one.
You'd think they'd go to Brookies instead.
Love the last line of this -- it's really great!
You have a pool?!?! I'm coming to visit you this summer..lolol
That's just what I was thinking -- great last line, JR! Finding the leak looks like it would be a lot easier than having to buy and install a whole new liner. Leaks are hard to find, though. My husband recently had to take his car to a tire store where they dunked one of his tires to find what was causing the slow leak that had been driving him crazy. A very small nail hole. But at least it's fixed now. Good luck with the pool!
as in carnie folk? oooh they are scary
JR, we'll be expecting to see your Pool Boy photos! Be sure and put the little "circle c" copyright symbol on them! Wouldn't want them popping up around the blog-o-sphere! Humm... maybe we would!
POOL PARTY!!!!!!!!!
Jim, Hey, just get the pool fixed and we'll be over for a POOL PARTY!!! We don't care how you get from point A to point B. We just want to see and ENJOY the finished product!! :) I know this is easier said than done. It would drive me nuts if I couldn't find the leak and then had to go buy a NEW pool liner without understanding the root cause. In regards to the Carnies in your limo driving escapades, looks like the beer bottle tossing got out of control. Well, that's the past and things can be learned from it. Ok, when is the day of water splashing crazy dunking getting wild in the pool?? Can you say, "the pool is all fixed"!! :) --Bro, Ron
So, you could be anything...the Internet is a scary and wonderful place.
Despite the lack of evidence, I choose to believe in your past career as a limousine driver.
Just can't picture you as a full time swimming pool installer.
Riding along in my automobile
My baby beside me at the wheel
I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile
My curiosity running wild
Crusin' and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go
....Chuck Berry
Oh, now I see what you mean about the pool. Charming... ha! I hope you get the leak fixed.
Josie
i agree. the immediate flows much faster.
I think this one may hold much truth, yes?
A Limo of Carnies. That's right up there with a Parliment of Owls.
Driving a limo full of drunken carnies-- are you sure you weren't in hell?
'Just Drive'
Sounds like my type of ride!
Had I been along for the ride, no beer bottles would have gone airborn...we would be saving them to later use as vases and candle stick holders.
Enjoyed the story. MW
You have a pool? Lucky!
Sure fire way to find a leak in a pool liner...get out your propane torch. You know the kind you use thats attached to a small quart bottle and light it. You pass it back and forth over the liner until you see the hole(s). Then you patch it or buy a new liner.
240lbs now and only a speedo for trunks. When is this pool party?
and you are more responsible a limo driver than I would have been, I would have raised the privacy window cranked up some classical music and let them get drunk enough to throw each other out of the limo's sun roof until the last one...then I would have stopped and asked for my tip.
Hey, Looks like you are still looking for the peep hole????????????????????????????
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