The subject matter is dictated in part by my subconscious, and I don’t care to force it to behave one way or another.—Rick Moody
Currently up for adoption. Wish me luck!
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The not so distant past of JR's Thumbprints.
21 comments:
I'm so dumb. I didn't read the title and was like Oh no poor JR!
well your a very good writer cos you had me beliving!
T.J.Eckleburg, right?
Ya know, the tone of this had me thinking of Elmore Leonard. Which I hope you consider a compliment. I would.
I like the quick establishment of setting and the maintainance of tension. Of course, when working with only one thousand words, you have to be quick and efficient, don't you?
I tell you, JR, I would like to see some of your longer stuff, seeing what you do with more time, and more space.
Jim, Good stuff. You had me in suspense. I like the specs on your face in the photo. Watch those sharpened pencils! Somebody might get hurt. I agree with S. Sternberg. More to come. --Bro, Ron
I had to read this a couple of times to really absorb it. Very cool - I like how you reveal, one layer at a time, how he is 'adopting' every aspect of his brother's life: The debt, the wife, the clothes......
Good story!
I got it after reading it again. I missed the subtltey because of your quick delivery. Nice work. MW
I admit, I had to read it a couple of times too.
There is so much that's good here and like Stewart I would like to see what you'd do if you had more space to fill out the story.
Very interesting story. A lot of information in a small amount of words. I love the picture too.
I had to read it a few times too. There are a lot of(too many?)things swiling around within that thousand words. The story sparkles but honestly I found all of those sparks distracting. The writing is most artful, but if a number of people need to study the text, might it be too complex for flash fiction? I'd LOVE to see this thing at twice this length!
Agreed!!!! ????
JR, I read it a couple of times as well. It's multi-layered, and really good. Mygosh.
BTW, how did you manage to make yourself look like Mr. Peepers?
Your photos always make me chuckle.
Josie
Actually, JR, here's hopin that at some point in the future you can join us in our writer's group in Chesterfield and be abused face to face.
Great picture (and story to match). I like stories where people don't take forever going around in circles to explain the details of the plot.
I most certainly liked it as well. Great plot.
Excellente! Nice job as usual.
Well Mr. Sternberg, I just might take you up on the offer. I'll come armed with sharpened pencils, so you better watch out. You too, Jon. Seriously, I enjoyed the comments. Also, there's no need in sugar coating your criticism either. Remember, I deal with convicted felons eight hours a day.
Somebody stole my Wolfsheim.
Great job, JR. Like the others, I had to reread. There were several literary devices that you used, which I recognized from the materials Stu had recommended.
Nice, concise with a steady rhythm. The voice of the character seemed monotone.
As a reader, and quite possibly not one of great intellect, I would've enjoyed more white space...more time to rest between dialogue or characters.
I loved the layering, too, and will be looking forward to your next submission.
For some unknown reason, some jerk thinks I want to earn extra money, so he/she keeps leaving the same anonymous comment over and over on this post. I thought I'd let everyone know, in case you think I can't handle criticism of my writing. Peace.
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OH, NICE TIE!
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