I WONDER . . .

Since this isn’t a debate—I call it a slight disagreement—I won’t put my old man out front on the issue. No sense in throwing out a red herring. No sense in bringing up senility. Strike that from the record.

The day before my scheduled Cystoscopy he called to tell me why my problem reoccurred. “You don’t drink enough water,” he said.


I, in turn, explained to him that it’s genetic. “Grandpa had stones. You and mom had stones. Uncle Tom had stones. I have stones.”

“I drink a glass of water every night before I go to bed,” he went on, “and I haven’t had trouble with stones ever since.”

Instead of arguing, I tried a subtler approach. I tried informing him that more water would help in the passing of stones, but not in the body eliminating the production of stones. He continued with his unscientific ramblings. “Your mother doesn’t drink enough water either.”

I wanted to tell him that I probably drink more water than both of them combined. With my exercise routine for the past eighteen months, I constantly filled and refilled my water bottle, I constantly replenished my thirst. But there was no convincing him otherwise. His mind was set.

After my surgery, he made a follow-up phone call. I checked the caller ID and nodded toward my wife. I listened intently from the couch. “Hello... He’s doing fine,” she said. “I had to call the doctor’s office to get another prescription for his muscle and bladder spasms… uh huh… well… uh huh… well … I don’t think water intake is the problem.” They must’ve talked for a good fifteen minutes before my wife relayed his message. “Your father says you need to drink more water.”

No sympathy there. I’m glad that chain of nursing homes Dick DeVos (Michigan Gubernatorial Candidate for Governor) invested money in went belly-up. What was the name of them—“All Terror” Senior Living? I might have been tempted to reserve a bed space. I wonder if my father throws back a glass of water only to wonder whether he just drank a glass water. I wonder why HE KEEPS GIVING ME THE SAME ADVICE OVER AND OVER, AGAIN AND AGAIN. I wonder about my grandfather’s Alzheimer disease, my father’s preventive medication for it, and why I sometimes shampoo my hair, rinse the lather, and reshampoo it. I wonder …