Tuesday, October 31, 2006

TRICK OR TREAT


Our neighbor Pete had a prostitute living at his house, and when my wife informed me of this, I said, "Hey, at least someone's cutting the grass." The prostitute has long since disappeared and the grass and weeds are now matted down by a blanket of wet Maple leaves.

The children in our neighborhood know not to approach Pete's house, and Pete knows to leave his porch light off. Last year, for some odd reason, his mailbox spent more time in the ditch then standing erect at the end of his driveway. You see, Pete's a pedophile. Oh sure, he beat his case last year, but he still has teenagers coming over to buy weed and coke when school lets out.

Pete will seek me out whenever I'm walking our dog. He'll engage me in small talk by commenting on which breed of dog Bear is, or how the weather certainly has changed. He's been looking a bit haggard lately, like he's testing his product too much. One time, I found a rolled-up dollar bill near his house. I took it home and washed it off. Pete's no different than most of the inmates I deal with, not very bright.

Happy Halloween everyone. If you get the opportunity, read Bonnie Jo Cambpell's short story "Candy," which first appeared in The Ontario Review (issue No. 55). The allure of candy is just too much for some people.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jim, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Nice picture of you and the carved pumpkin. Looks like it took you a while to carve. I spent yesterday evening carving our 3 pumpkins for the girls. 2 weren't that bad but the 3rd one took a while. Don't eat too much of the kids candy! --Bro, Ron

Laura said...

Happy Halloween, Hope your day goes better than Pete's.

Michelle's Spell said...

Jim,

Happy Halloween! Love the details about Pete and mowing the grass. My God, he'd make a great novel character. There's always a Pete somewhere, huh? Love the picture of you by the pumpkin!

Ichabod Crane said...

Amy Robison's short story "Yours" has an excellent Halloween motif. Very symbolic and ironic. Have a happy one!

Bird on a Wire said...

God I'm glad I don't have kids. Happy Halloween.

Anonymous said...

I went to a prostitute once, and she had run out of condoms. She left me in the room, and had to run to the drug store to get some more. I imagined that I was in the store when she came in dressed to the 9s. I would not know that she really was a prostitute.
She was very grateful that I did not get mad at her for leaving me there for 10 minutes.

Anonymous said...

I hope your pumpkin is as happy to see you as you seem to see it.
Happy Halloween. :-) MW

Anonymous said...

I thought you were a real Snoring He-Beast for a second there. Your costume is very convincing.

Anonymous said...

Happy Halloween to you too JR.

Great jack-o-lantern!

Anonymous said...

Nice T-shirt "Mr. Beast"!

Anonymous said...

What happened to Mr. Happy?
He's come up missin' MW :-)

Anonymous said...

Hidden in space!

Anonymous said...

Testing his product a bit too much? Ha! But there is something to be said for 'high' quality control standards. ;)

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