I'M DYING, I'M DEAD

I just signed a “consent for surgery” form for one Right Extracoroporeal Shockwave Lithotripsy at Royal Oak Beaumont Hospital. Two words caught my attention: No Guarantees. I’m not feeling glum, actually The Thinker put me up to it, but if I were to die tomorrow, I would like these five songs played at my funeral:

1) Natalie Merchant’s “Effigy” from Ophelia – If I die in prison, I’d like this song played in honor of my last gulp of water, I mean, breath. If I die elsewhere, and that’s what I’d prefer, then “When They Ring The Golden Bells” should be my last gulp tune. *My mother requested this second song for her funeral, too.

2) Aimee Mann’s “Deathly” from the Magnolia soundtrack – This would be my “ease the pain for those who suffer” song. Hey, there’s no argument with these lyrics: You’re on your honor/’Cause I’m a goner/And you haven’t begun/So do me a favor/If I should waver/Be my savior/And get out the gun.

3) Kansas’ “Dust In The Wind” from The Point of No Return – For some reason, while Saturday Night Fever swept our nation, I turned to rock with violins. This song should also serve as a reminder of my request for cremation.

4) Billy Bragg & Wilco’s remake of “Airline To Heaven” from Mermaid Avenue Vol. II. I could use this song to create a video montage of my life to be shown in the funeral home. In fact, I’d rather have some form of entertainment instead of the standard eulogy.

5) Cowboy Junkies’ “To Live Is To Fly” from Black Eyed Man – Actually, any of their songs will do. I’m a big fan of their music.

So now I guess it’s my turn to tag someone. Since I’m all about breaking with tradition (prehaps it’s my fear of an Amway pyramid scheme or chain letter) I’m going to tag the next three commentators. If you’re an anonymous, I should hope that you chose someone for me; I’ll do the rest. Lastly, if no one comments (that’d be like having a funeral where no one shows), then I’ll be forced to chose. Here it is: “The idea is to pick five songs that you’d like played at your funeral.”