REAL MEN OF GENIUS

Yesterday my gut hurt so bad like someone poked a knife under my rib cage, and as they say in prison, ran the gears on me. Serves me right messing with Squirrel Piss, the name my fellow fishermen used for the plastic container of moonshine they passed around. I complained about the taste and was politely told that you drink it for the effect. Hurt me all the way through Monday.

After work I had to attend a Utica School Board Meeting to acknowledge the Elementary Schools that did well in Science Olympiad. I didn’t want to go on account of the Squirrel Piss but I did. The superintendent (the building is named after her; they couldn’t wait posthumously or at least until she retires) mentioned that Utica Schools captured 6 of the top 7 spots in the overall competition of 80 schools. Whoopee! I’m sick and tired of educators with their elitist attitudes. Just recognize the kids for their achievements, none of this "we’re better than everyone else." No wonder I have to deal with the failures of the public schools. What they need is a few more trailer parks, some public housing, and a few crack houses sprinkled into their school district. Embrace those parents and their kids and teach them why don’tcha!

It’s funny that I’d criticize the very same educators that I envisioned myself being. I never wanted to be like my high school U.S. Presidency teacher, Mr. Sullivan (the short man pictured above). He never varied from the direct teaching approach. Lectern up front, desks and chairs in neat rows with masking tape running down the floor to make sure order was maintained. He’d start his class by taking attendance the good old fashion way: calling your name from a roster he never looked up from. (We had a seating chart for crying out loud; it couldn’t have been that hard for him to see who was missing if he’d only look up!) After his slow process of attendance, he’d say the same thing, "All right, get out your notes." Next, he’d start writing facts on the board. Grover Cleveland served two nonconsecutive terms. Abraham Lincoln wanted to preserve the Union at all cost. Harry Truman … and on and on and on.

His direct teaching approach led to all kinds of horseplay. No one cared about the executive branch of government, or the legislative branch, or the judicial branch (unless it had a direct impact on one of the many burn-outs caught with pot). I’ll confess: I lost interest more than once myself. Mr. Sullivan had the same response when students started talking. He’d say, "All right"—I believe everything he said started out this way—"All right, I’m not standing here trying to grow." Usually this would elicit verbal bantering between him and a burn-out from the back of the classroom. His ultimate response: "All right, there’s three things I don’t like," and with his index fingers touching he’d begin his counting, "number one—warm beer, number two—wet toilet paper, and number three (he’d pause to make sure everyone heard his main point of emphasis)—a smart ass."

Mr. Sullivan may not have been the best teacher, however, he certainly was a memorable character. He died a few years after I graduated from high school; they found his expired body in his apartment above the local watering hole in town when he failed to show up for work. At least that’s how I heard it. Not like my high school gym teacher who left a note in his pickup truck before jumping off the Blue Water Bridge in Port Huron. I read about that one in the Detroit News.

As for Squirrel Piss, or moonshine—stay away from it, it can cause all kinds of problems. As for education, teachers are human too and they cope the best way they know how. As for men in general, those beer commercials about "real men of genius" speak volumes. As for women in general, how about some "real women of genius" commercials? It’s an imperfect world full of imperfect people and I’m one of them and so are you. Care to comment?

President tossing here: http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm. If he gets stuck drag him out with your mouse.