PRISON DATING

Back when I was still a guppy in the prison system and inmates were allowed to wear their own clothing, I had a gay tutor show up in a 70’s style red satin running shorts. I also noticed that his head, eyebrows, arms, and legs were shaven. As soon as he approached my desk, I told him he couldn’t stay, quoting the “no shorts allowed” school rule. I don’t think I over-reacted; at least not like in a Tim Hardaway fashion. I never commented on his sexual orientation, even though he did make me uncomfortable. I thought he was drawing too much attention to himself, that he might cause a situation I wasn’t necessarily prepared to handle. I don’t consider this being homophobic on my part; I consider this being, more or less, reasonable. In prison there are folks that only think about one thing—S.E.X.

I’ve overheard inmates readily admit that they aren’t gay because they’re not on the receiving end of things. “I’m doing all day,” I had a lifer tell me, “does it look like I care what others think?” Then after a slight pause, he’d add, “But I’m not gay.” Also, around that time, I remember students concealing pornographic magazines behind their GED books. I hadn’t thought much about it until a female teacher mentioned how distracting it was. I told her I’d look into it. I had learned that convicts could purchase a dinner and a date (in prison terms this meant a bag of chips and pop, a piece of rolled-up meat in a fefe can, and a palm magazine) for a very affordable price. It sounded kind of ridiculous to me. I suppose a guy has got to have some type of outlet or fantasy or whatever the hell you want to call it while locked up.

As for the porno mags in the classroom, I discovered that a Chaledean inmate was renting out this material per each class session for the price of one stamp. “Look,” I told him, “I’m going to ask you nicely to peddle your wares some place else.” He understood, and his clients either did a better job of hiding their rental magazines, or he changed his business model.