Today, our facility had a luncheon for our illustrious hearings investigator. Starting next week, she’ll be working at another correctional facility. Ms. G had the unpleasant task of investigating and gathering statements from inmates and staff before forwarding prisoner rule violation tickets to our hearings officer—the lawyer who decides the verdict (guilty or not guilty) and the punishment (loss of privileges, top lock, segregation, etc).I’ll never forget the time an inmate started rifling through the files on my desk. I warned him. Look, I said, I’m having a bad day. Stay away from my stuff.
Out of boredom, or just plain stupidity, the inmate continued to push my buttons. I run this, he said. You don’t tell me what to do.
I looked him straight in the eyes. Let me repeat, ‘I’m not in the mood for your bullshit today.’
He continued. How would you like me to open a can of whup ass on you?
I’ve always believed in giving a man a second chance, so I asked him while clicking my ballpoint pen and placing a ticket form on my desk, Do you care to repeat what you just said?
You heard me. I’m gonna whup your ass.
To make a long story short, I had him handcuffed and escorted to a segregation cell. The charge: 012 Threatening Behavior (a nonbondable offense).
A day later, while conducting class, here comes Ms. G ready to get a statement. How is everybody today? She asked—her way of saying, ‘There ain’t no secrets here.’—before pulling a chair up to my desk and speaking with me. So, Mr. T, did you really feel threatened by so and so’s actions?
Ms. G, I replied, I thought I was leaving here in a body bag.
The room grew silent. After an awkward lengthy pause, Ms. G and I started laughing. She had that type of affect on a person. A week later, the student I’d written the ticket on tip-toed into my classroom. Look, he said, I don’t want any problems. Just tell me what I need to do.
After spending time in the hole, they found him ‘Not Guilty’ of the charge and sprung him back into general population. I guess Ms. G and I’s moment of laughter sealed, or should I say unsealed, his fate.
11 comments:
I liked this one -- the ending made me laugh!
I like how "Mrs. G" jolts this. Good tactics on your part, too. And well written, of course.
I.m going to miss GG. I hope you gave her a big hug for me. You know I think that's one of your best quips. "I thought I was going out in a body bag." Got that young man's attention, as well as your class. Nice post.
MW :-)
JR, you must potentially be in dangerous situation on a daily basis. It takes a lot of guts to do what you do. But the prisoners must have respect for you, just for being there. They know it takes guts to do what you do.
Josie
If anyone threatened to"open a can of whup ass" on me, I'd probably burst into tears.
My uncle was a prisoner advocate, and even he would tell some funny stories about prisoners!
Aww, Mrs G sounds like a legend!
LOL. . .I think I would have a hard time being that calm. . .But I guess you learn to control emotions, etc.
Hope that Ms. G is replaced with someone just as cool. . .
Hmmmm...funny and weird.
:)
JR, do you ever get people asking if you feel guilty when you have someone locked up...or punished in some way? There are times when I am forced to drop kids from my program, and people always ask how I can do that? My response is of course, "It's their choice, not mine. They knew the rules."
Still, sometimes...a twinge.
Jim, I think it would be interesting if you could have carried a video camera around and video taped these idiots. It's almost comical reading these stories about these inmates --Bro ,Ron
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