THROWING TOMATOES

One year ago I wrote: This is serious. Something needs to be done about all the tomato pushers out there, aggressively forcing large quantities of their mutated fruit onto unsuspecting citizens such as myself.





Today I write: There will be no continuation of tomato pushers in my neighborhood because of an invasion of tomato hornworms, and even though I preserved a half dozen of the fat little buggers in Isopropyl Alcohol, I’m afraid the damage is done. I must admit, they'll make for neat specimens in the 2008 Science Olympiad competition.

Last night I met with one, yes—one, not two or three or four—but one Science Olympiad committee member. The meeting went pretty much as expected. Start by praising the volunteers (my wife and I) for doing a phenomenal job, then ease into the concerns, aka complaints. According to the guidelines: The competitors will identify various body parts, characteristics, habitats, ecological significance, and life cycles of twelve orders of Insecta. However, even though our questions do not deviate from the two reference books listed on the rule sheet, some coaches thought it unfair to ask the kids to actually identify specific bugs by their common name.

“I’ve been making my own insect collections for the competition,” I defended, “and every bug that I ask for identification of is pictured in these books. Plus, they’re allowed to bring a homemade bug chart into the event.” Then I asked for specific schools that complained regarding this issue. He offered up one school in particular.

After much discussion, I agreed to add one line to the rules: They will also identify insects from within these orders.

When my wife and I returned home, I commented on how unprepared some coaches were. “Let’s see, it’s okay to ask a garden variety of questions on a bug, its life cycle, its ecological significance, its habitat. But you cross the line when you ask for its name.”

My wife cut me short. “Well, you know,” she said, “his child competed in our event last year …”

I was dumbfounded.

“…and that’s the school that complained.”

I should’ve known. I’m glad I didn’t cave-in to all his suggestions.

Here’s a bonus question for everyone: What type of wasps will emerge from the cocoons on the back of this tomato hornworm? (Keep in mind that at the elementary level this question would be multiple choice.)