Thursday, September 20, 2007

RAT CAGE MAINTENANCE














If there were a suggestion box at my place of employment, or if I thought someone from Michigan’s state capital would actually listen to a state employee instead of flexing their political muscle, then I’d offer a simple solution for cutting costs in our bloated prison system. I’d suggest the following:

Let the prisoners wear their personal clothing.

At one time, each inmate had his own wardrobe. I recall a former GED graduate lifting his graduation gown just far enough past his ankle to show off his snakeskin shoes. Obviously, his days as a drug dealer proved quite lucrative. I’m not implying that prisoners have better threads than you do or I do, nor am I suggesting they put on a fashion show; those snakeskin shoes were a direct violation of MDOC policy. Undoubtedly, he pulled a switcharoo with a family member or friend during visiting hours. All I’m saying is “Why should the Michigan taxpayers be burdened with the added expense of providing shirts, pants, jackets, and shoes to inmates?”

I’ve heard arguments regarding safety; however, try identifying one of these wise guys out on the yard from a sea of blue shirts; it’s not easy. In addition, I do realize the importance of distinguishing civilian staff from convicts, especially in three crucial areas: 1) the sally port - where food, medication, and store items pass through, 2) the front gate - where staff, volunteers, and visitors enter and exit daily, and 3) the perimeter fence - where corrections officers can shoot center mass to prevent an escape.

I also realize the chance of human error (especially involving the first two choices), but in regards to the third, I can’t imagine civilian staff strolling along the deadlines of the fence. There is one exception. We have a maintenance man who searches for nests in the rolls of concertina wire. We can’t have birds tripping the alarm system. I’m sure the officers in the gun towers know what that’s all about. Lastly, I do recall, prior to the standard prisoner attire, our former Governor John Engler waddling his way around the perimeter—but that was a long long time ago, after the escape of ten inmates and the construction of gun towers—and no one shot his ass. In fact, he went on to get re-elected.

State Issued Prisoner Clothing Within a Facility:
Trousers – 3 pr.
Belt – 1
Shoes – 1 pr work Oxfords
T-Shirts – 3
Headgear – 1 winter, 1 summer
Athletic Shorts – 3
Duffle Bag – 1
Shirts – 3
Socks – 5 pr.
Shorts – 9
Gloves – 1
Jacket - 1

9 comments:

eric1313 said...

Love the list.
And the comparisson of the rat cage.

ivan@cretivewriting.ca said...

Not for nothing do you dislike my favourite alternative band, "The White Stripes!"

Ivan

Jo said...

My gosh, I think I'll go to prison and get myself a wardrobe!

geewits said...

What is that cage in your yard for anyway? Catfish? I do see the reasoning behind not letting clothing be used by the inmates to establish an inner "civilization." I like the idea of everyone having to dress alike. It strips them of their imagined uniqueness.

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed the allegory. MW:)

the walking man said...

The few times I visited a friend in prison was before whoever decided they needed to make them all dress the same. So as the visitors room filled everyone was wearing street clothes, convicts and visitors.

Every fifteen minutes there had to be a head count so the prisoners had to line up in front of a guard at the desk and be counted then go back to their table with their visitor.

I thought to myself how in the hell do they know the prisoners from the visitors. Then it struck me...the shoes, all of the prisoners were wearing the same shoes, black oxfords.

Yep good idea Jim. but that's why it will never happen again and you will never go higher than you are!

peace

TWM

benjibopper said...

seems that the uniforms on the staff would suffice for differentiation anyway, no?

eric1313 said...

Too bad fat Engler didn't get some buckshot peppered in the buttocks.

My mom would have had her two year business managment degree back in the late eighties/early nineties. Instead, after Fat Man John kicked the legs out from under the good social programs this state was once known for, she had to go back to working for eight bucks an hour to feed three kids.

Blam-o! How's that for a keester stash?

And I agreed with what you said at the old tree house--it seems that the senate is smoking rocks... at least instead of lay offs, their laying off the pot(heads).

Cheri said...

Let's see if they can get a good budget before the Feds can stake claim over Michigan... then we'll really be sorry.