HOW PEOPLE MATE

I’ve never found myself in a compromising situation (unless you count my days being single) and I’m not here to create waves, even if unintentionally like that male model from the Sears & Roebuck Catalog. You know what I’m talking about because at that particular point in time every woman knew the page by heart, had the catalog binding broke—a jagged crease approximating the page in question—glimpsed the small shadow of his inner thigh, and pointed it out: TEA BAG EXPOSED. Us kids heard about it on the news. We had to look too. And so did everyone else when the opportunity arose. Sears claimed it had been a printing defect, a wayward smudge of black ink.

The poor guy must’ve been embarrassed beyond one’s comprehensible imagination. A regular modern day Joe Boxer (Sears & Kmart have now merged) and the professional photographer, editor, or lay-out person, must have studied thousands and thousands of pictures, scrutinizing each one to make sure the so-called barn door had been shut tight, before settling on this man’s innocent, natural pose. Where is he now? Has he outlived the embarrassment? Or is he proud of his fifteen minutes of fame?

Observation: At my place of employment, the female workers usually wear smocks—that way they’re not revealing too much backside to the male prisoners, triggering the criminal mind's overworked libido. On the other hand, some of the young male prisoners walk around with their asses hanging out of their trousers, unknowingly inviting every sexual predator within eyesight the opportunity for some booty. A person’s sexual desires are driven by what they perceive; the question is: do you want to be framed into a picture that you can’t get out of? I certainly don’t.