A BLOGGING WORKSHOP

Today’s posting, actually tomorrow’s too, is headed in unchartered water. First, I’m going to post some comments from a short story called "The Therapeutic Needs of Bainesburg Bob"—a story I workshopped not too long ago. Then the next day I’ll post the story, that way, if you care to read and critique it, you can once again scroll down my blog, read these comments, and perhaps add a few of your own. Here they are:

"Too much alliteration! But it makes me laugh when I say it fast. After discussion, I really enjoyed this story. Analyzing is fun. A lot of things happen in a few pages. I’d like to know more about Bainesburg Bob. Things begin to not make sense (locker room). Who is Yekuno? What is he, more specifically, and what does he represent?

I really liked the half-eaten apple part. Most of the scenes are very descriptive and I could clearly see, hear, smell, taste and feel what you described. The over abundance of alliteration made it difficult to read and slightly put me off. I read it a few more times and liked it the more I read it.

From your writing I could not tell if present-day Bob is middle-aged or a senior citizen. Ruth, if she is 18 years his senior, would make him in his 40’s or 50’s. The fact that he’s in a swimming pool with seniors could make him old. But the title and the fact that he has "withered biceps" could indeed make him any age over 30, and have him at a rehabilitation center. It isn’t very clear but it gives the story mystery and a sense of wonder. It really made me think and read it several times, constantly looking for things I hadn’t seen previously." (www.shimmeringcheri.blogspot.com).

"Good story! Difficult to critique. Perhaps clarification of a couple of things. Evidence and the Ethiopian. Fast read. I laughed a lot which helped blend all the scenes. Good work! Bainesburg Fighting Burros – sweet name. Frantic pace! Good writing/reading. Wonderful imagery. Hilarious."

"Fear, water/pool—connection with his life??? Purpose? Is he an employee of Bill?"

"Is this the end of the story?"

"Very detailed, gives a good visual image. But story is confusing. What’s happening? Is there more? Tell who characters are right up front."

"Enjoyed the story. Was very much in the scene at the pool."

"In terms of structure I feel the plot works, but at the same time I understand the events that take place, but I fail to understand the overall meaning of what’s going on. The characters to me are very believable. They felt like people you could meet in everyday life. They just had normal life problems. They also reacted to them in a believable way. They asked for help and felt the stresses of them."

"Transitions are well written. Pool/experiences, etc. to closing in pool locker room. What kind of chart? Medical? What kind of accident? Hypochondriac?"

My short story rewrite is based on these classroom comments and a class discussion emceed by Michelle Brooks (her blog site is linked). Actually, the rewrite is more of an add-on of the last three paragraphs. I believe that not only does word association and picture association help in creative writing but so does the sound of words and sentences.