BLIVETS

After one week of vacation, I returned to work not knowing whether personnel had put a stop order on me. A stop order is the equivalent of "the wall of shame"; it’s where they post your name and photo id on their metal detector to remind the gate officer that you’re no longer permitted inside the facility. For those of you new to my blog, I had received a memo requesting an updated teaching certificate. Although I followed the necessary protocol, six credit hours of course work and a renewal application to the Michigan Department of Education, personnel for some reason thinks I’m lying. Now they’re sending me nasty emails with more threats of termination. Gee, makes me feel like I’m the criminal in here.

I remember discussing bad teachers with one of my inmate students; he thought it was a great idea to have all teachers re-fingerprinted for a digital database. It seems the Michigan State Police tossed out the old teacher fingerprint files in favor of a system more computer orientated. After pointing out that I didn’t have a problem with being re-fingerprinted and having a thorough background check, that I just didn’t feel I should have to fork over $80 to have it done, another inmate chimed in, "Shit, if you want it for free, then commit a crime." HOT DAMN! Valid point. Chalk one up for Mr. Einstein. (For another fresh prison educator perspective visit the following site: www.frombehindbars.blogspot.com.)

Anyway, I’m back inside the prison and all I’m thinking is "blivet" on account of all the work I’ve got to do. Serves me right for taking a vacation. Do you know what a blivet is? It’s ten pounds of shit crammed into a five-pound bag.

Today’s pic is from late 1996, it’s back in the day when inmates were allowed to wear their own clothing—now, as Michigan taxpayers, we not only feed and house them, we clothe them too. Notice my messy desk and the inmate demanding answers. My duties included the following: GED teacher, graduation coordinator, acting school principal, inmate newspaper supervisor, and hostage negotiator. No gray hair then, but not for long. I remember some hotshots from Lansing paying us a visit. They wanted to know why our student enrollment had dropped. The Deputy Warden of Programs sent them to me. I thought the answer was quite obvious, take your pick: 1) incoming prisoners were not being tested for classroom placement because the school psychologist had been recovering from gall bladder surgery, 2) filing and school details weren’t being completed because the school secretary had been out on stress leave, 3) the facility decided to save money for custody issues by not hiring a replacement for the school principal who retired six month ago, and 4) a school waiting list had been created due to our special education teacher being sexually assaulted by an inmate. They didn’t want to hear all this; they wanted to know what plan of action had been implemented. Maybe blivets refer to people too, only on a much grander scale.