Sunday, July 15, 2007

NOT ONE OF THEM














Dear JR,

Thanks for sending your piece, but I decided not to use it. I'm sorry, I can be pretty dense sometimes. I don't really understand what's happening.

Although I can't use this particular story, please feel free to send another.

John Benson, Editor
Not One Of Us

My knee-jerk reaction: I'm getting very very perturbed. Perhaps I'll put on some brass knuckles and try ThugLit. I'd like to wear one of their t-shirts to work and kick some major ass.

9 comments:

Bobby said...

Finding the right place is just as hard as writing the thing. I spend as much time looking over journals as I do . . . man .. . it's frustrating. I just sent something to the Bellevue Literary Review . . . yeah - the famous New York looney bin has a literary review thank ya very much.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

James,

It gets even more bizarre.

I once had an editor say to me,
"Based on your reputation, I'll print anything at all that you will send in."
I dutifully sent in a short story about a guy going through a divorce, getting up in the morning undecided over shaving or cutting his throat."

Rejection.

Me? God's chosen?

I heard accusing chipmunks out of the old Charlie Brown song rhyming in usison: "Yes you!"

How was I to know that the editor himself was going through a divorce.

Much, much later somebody steered me straight. Find out all you can about the editor, his likes, his dislikes his sexual hangups--then tailor a storoy to that kind of personality.

My next story was about a sexually marginal guy whom even viagara couldn't cure when it came to satisfying his wife.

Socko-boffo! Paydirt.

Things have probably changed in thirty years. Most editors now are women.
How would you pander to a female editor's likes, dislikes, sexual hang-ups?...For the life of me, I don't know.


I hve made this offer before: Send me your best piece here at Island Grove Press.
But make sure it follows a kind of journalistic-Aristotalian structre, LEAD, BODY, POINT, the point agreeing with the lead.

Surrealism and stream- of -consciousness can come later.

Ivan

Anonymous said...

Jim, That dude sounds very very dense! Keep trying and don't give up! --Bro, Ron

Anonymous said...

i guess writing is wearing two hats...the creative hat for the writing process and the cold business hat for the selling process

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Anonymous,

You have hit the nail on the head.

Ivan

the walking man said...

I once got a standard form rejection slip with a personal note from the editor telling me how great the cover letter was, had the whole office laughing.

I wrote him back and asked him why "they didn't print the fucking cover letter then?"

I never heard anything back But I guess I flushed my toilet with my response to their response.

JR's Thumbprints said...

TWM,
I don't mind rejection letters. What really gets me is when an editor claims to have been brain dead at the time he read it.

Erik Donald France said...

Thug Lit ~~ now there's something I can rally to.

To steal Lulu's apt expression, some of these clueless editors really are fucktards in disguise (please excuse my French -- it was Bastille Day yesterday)

Keep on truckin' Jim!

EA Monroe said...

Keep hammering away at them, JR! Less dense sounds plain and simple so thinking isn't required!

I wish I had a fish pond like yours. I guess that answers Josie's question about what you do with all the fish you catch!