I’ve been reading all those “In Vino Veritas (Truth in Wine)” short fiction entries at Jason Evan’s Clarity of Night and leaving comments. Funny thing is, the writer of one of my favorite flashes (so far) had to defend his story from what I thought was a compliment.
Here’s what I said: I must admit, the way your main character was examining the bottle, I had a feeling it would be used as a weapon. Still, the descriptions were very well done.
His response: JR, I’m sorry to hear that working in a prison environment all these years has traumatized you to the point that you expect anything taken up in hand will likely be used as a weapon (although it is certainly understandable). I don’t feel the climax was so obviously laid out for the “general population” reader. Nonetheless, I do appreciate your and everyone else’s comments.
Hmmm… from the tone of his response, I’m not sure he appreciated my comment—that is, unless he wants to invite me over for a glass of wine. I’ll leave it at that. I encourage everyone to read his story (it really is that good). Click here.
Oh, and if you haven’t read my flash, here’s the link:
The Sober Truth about Tyler & Zachary on Bickerstaff Street.
26 comments:
I really enjoyed your piece - a gem!
You're right about mine (#53) - part of something much much bigger. IF you want, drop me an email through the contact on my site and I'll let you know where you can find it.
I'm sorry the person didn't take up your comment positively. I guess some people just feel a need to defend themselves. I hope you don't feel my comment to your response as such. I truly appreciate any more feedback you'd like to give :D
Oh dear.
The sisters are prissy.
Seems much ado about nothing.
When I was publishing miles and miles of stories, people used to say I had an ego about the size of
Long Island.
Now it's more like Parris Island; I could be a refugee.
The heft and freel of the wine bottle is masterfully rendered. It is an image that somehow naturally evokes a tool-using drive in men. Mabe brings out the Freud in me. But not Leavenworth (which is soon to close down anyway).
I don't know why that story writer chose to go a little defensive over
the descripion of the winebottle.
Ya jailbird :)
mmmm, you've got me all curious... i'm off to read yours. and thanks for your visit!
Ivan, you're too funny. I knew you would like his story.
Shadow, read his story as well, you'll like it.
James,
You are graceful as a swan here. :)
James,
You are graceful as a swan here. :)
Whoops. Doubling my comments. My URL? Yours? My bad coping and pasting and pressing v instead of c?
No wonder I can't even access my own facebook page. They keep addressing me as "Dear Ivam" and not Ivan.
Ever try to reset a password on facebook? You may as well be writing from one of the water planets and then be addressed as "Dear Uranus."
Every time I have sushi I think of the magnificient weapons chopsticks might make.
Charles,
Too funny.
Now we come to CIA cigars for Cuba.
Hey JR, just want you to know that I think yours is one of my favs so far. You're on the list I'm keeping for favs and rereads. Excellent entry.
It's often hard to tell where people are coming from with comments . Your response to his comment should have cleared it up. I'm not a writer, but even I could tell early on he wasn't getting ready to give her a tennis bracelet.
I enjoyed both stories, I'll have to read some more. Good luck to you.
PS Closing Leavenworth?! My dad was stationed there for 4 years. The higher your rank, the more trustees you had working on your lawn.
Catvibe, You should consider the other story too!
Sincerely,
Graceful Big Sister Swan
J.R.-I never look at a wine bottle as a weapon, unless I overindulge and then it's a hammer. More like a soft escape for me.
wow! that was rude! such a pity!
I came to check where your story was as I seem to be missing it in the list.
Ahhh, Mona, you must be talking about Ivan's comments. We worked it out. I invited him golfing. I've been practicing my swing with a 9-iron.
Geez,
Feel like the little alien in Kurt Vonnegt Jr's Breakfast of Champions, whose only way of expressing danger was by farting and tapdancing. He went everywhere to fart and tapddance and no one knew what the little green guy was up to.
He was finally dispatched with a nine iron by a disgruntled redneck on a golf link.
Ha.
JR - saw your comment to me on Bailey Stewart's blog (longandwritingroad). Thank you! The piece I submitted is actually an excerpt from my WIP (untitled at this point). I appreciated your comments tremendously. If you want to check it out, my blog is: bebotakingdictation.blogspot.com
BTW: enjoyed your piece too, but must say it was a bit uncomfortable. Of course, that's what you want - an emotional reaction from the reader.
JR, your story is awesome! That's my fancy literary speak. Hee hee. But you know I love that ending. The rest of the story flows so naturally. I love it.
I'll go back over and read everyone else, too. Thanks for telling me about the contest. I haven't gotten anything ready in time, but I like the site and will return.
Your story is wonderful - a real gem. I laughed out loud when I realised where you'd led me.
I wasn't overly fond of the piece you linked (heft also seemed a give-away to me but that's not a bad thing). There's been so much discussion lately about avoiding responding to bad reviews, I'm not sure anyone has thought to warn people not to respond to good ones! ;)
Slyvia,
Funny thing is: in this case it wasn't a bad review. I've had similar comments regarding knowing the outcome of my story. We're talking 250-word flashes--it's bound to happen. Also, I'm not sure I know what a "general reader" is. Jason has created a forum for writers to interact, and that in itself is worth participating regardless of whether I agree or disagree with a critique.
I agree, I didn't take your comment as a negative, which makes the knee-jerk defense much more interesting.
I presumed general reader meant "everyone but you, whose opinion I am unimpressed with" but I might be being unfair. :D
I guess it's a Detroit thing but I thought #31 telegraphed early on (third sentence) where he was going.
I thought he story was one of the logical conclusion to ongoing ever increasing levels of spousal abuse ending in murder and not very cleverly done.
But then you do know what we say in situations like this eh? Need I repeat it on your never use that kind of language blog...sure
"fuck 'em"
Ah, the joys of trying to communicate without the nuances of voice, body, eyes. The funny thing is, remarks are usually far more well intentioned than we actually read them!
Now off to read both entries! :-)
Read your “flash.” Excellent.
Amazing how so much can be said in so few words, isn’t it?
If you possess the skill – which you do.
Well, considering nearly everyone was using the wine as a weapon in this contest how could you not suspect it? Writers have some anger issues I think.
I loved your story by the way.
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