Thursday, November 15, 2007

GETTING PULLED OVER

















A prisoner detail, otherwise known as an itinerary, otherwise known as a daily schedule, is the equivalent of a driver’s license. Each inmate is supposed to carry it on their person in case they get pulled over; it lists where they should be, where they need to go. Once in awhile I’ll hear an older prisoner, someone who has been to more places than the few blocks in his neighborhood, refer to it as a passport.

Today is just another day in the dime store, collecting identification cards for pencils, calculators, dictionaries, thesauruses, World Book Encyclopedias, staplers, headphones, toilet paper (yes, it's a precious commodity), anything not nailed down that can be concealed under clothing. Ironically, the prisoners will be the first to tell you, “I’m not a thief.” Funny thing is: objects disappear all the time; they grow legs, run away.

Me, accusation: “Where’s my pencils and paper?”

Inmate at my desk: “How would I know?”

Me: “Because you’re an opportunist.”

Inmate: “You better pump your brakes.”

Me: “No, you better pump YOUR brakes.”

So I change my approach. Get friendly. Chitchat with him after class. The normal small talk—the latest episode of “Prison Break” or “House.” Make him feel comfortable. Get him to let his guard down. Soon we’re near the officer’s podium. I step back and point. “This prisoner needs to be shaken down.”

The school officer: “What for?”

I list a half-dozen classroom items. Out they come from his jacket, his shirt, his pants, his sock. A routine traffic stop.

This is too easy. I write a theft ticket and drop him from enrollment. He can no longer travel to school.

15 comments:

Nosjunkie said...

I hope I am not supposed to find this funny but a prisoner maintaining that his not a thief tickles my noodle.

are they never allowd to come back ever or is it like a suspention and is the school on the prison ground or off it?

and at what standard do you teach these things is it a highschool equivelent or higher?

Erik Donald France said...

YOUR PAPERS PLEASE. . .

Very funny, indeed. But what I want to know is -- how about that kewel photograph of CAR ON BEACH?

Whitenoise said...

I admire your patience and composure. I'm not sure I could cope in your work environment.

Ken Kesey said...

Your either on the bus or off the bus.

the walking man said...

So do you have to stamp their passport as they come and go from your country to the next on their itinerary?

Funny title in a way the wife who is a very good driver has been puled over and had her ticket punched for 4 offenses in the past week.

I think she feels at the moment being in your classroom would be safer than her driving through Eastpoint and Detroit.

Good read Jim thanks

Peace

mark

Beth said...

With a shake down always a possibility, I gather the benefits of stealing far outweigh the consequences of being caught.

I like that expression, "You better pump your brakes." I'm going to start using it.

Anonymous said...

He thought he just found a BBF, and then you bust his bubble. Enjoyed the read. MW

Charles Gramlich said...

At least I don't have this problem, although when I do provide pencils for tests I never get all back that I loaned out.

Leslie: said...

Wish I could have done that at the elementary school where I taught. I resorted to buying myself pens & pencils with my name on them so I could identify them if someone "accidently" "borrowed" them.

Jo said...

So, is her permanently suspended? How is it that these guys never learn? They're stealing in prison. They're going to get caught. Can't they connect the dots?

Jo said...

I mean "he" not "her". I have to learn to type. :-)

geewits said...

Sheesh. And these guys are suposed to be learning?

thethinker said...

It's been awhile since I've been able to read your blog.

It looks like I've got a lot of posts to catch up on.

Lana said...

How sad that the inmates are more concerned about stealing even these little things than actually learning & bettering themselves. You deserve a medal--you really do. I couldn't keep it up every day!

Anonymous said...

Jim, Another fine photo back in the day. That's a great Ford Falcon that Dad is driving on Daytona Beach I believe. Good read. --Bro, Ron