Contrary to popular belief, it’s not true that you feel most alive when you’re closest to death, when you’re taking chances, when you’re risking life and limb, when you’re letting yourself go, hands in the air, screaming skyward. My wife calls it fun. I’m not sure what she means: Riding the roller coasters? Or watching me white-knuckling the downward drops, tucking my head between my shoulders and arms, and gritting my teeth?
“Relax,” she says. “Quit fighting it.”
Easier said then done. I’m worried about decapitation, about smacking my head on a crossbeam, about having a massive heart attack. I’ve heard about roller coasters malfunctioning, about people hanging upside down for hours on end, praying for the fire department to come to their rescue, about some poor soul having an aneurysm from all that blood rushing to his brain. On the television I believe I’ve seen and heard about seatbelt buckles, or whatever so-called safety restraint they’ve designed, breaking and people plummeting to the ground. And once again, I’ve witnessed the Cedar Point paddy wagon hauling someone away on a stretcher. My wife says, “They probably have a heart condition and shouldn’t be on the rides in the first place.”
I want to tell her, “I have a heart condition,” but she knows this to be untrue because I only visit the doctor when she schedules the appointment.
I’d rather watch everyone else on the rides; unfortunately, my wife reminds me of the time she roller-coastered solo; about the drunk man on the Mean Streak sitting next to her, how he almost puked on her. And I wouldn't? I’m not very sympathetic. Other than my wife, the majority of the people I’ve observed, who enjoy this kind of thrill, have tattoos, body piercings, mullets, and whatever chosen abnormality they think will make them stand out from everyone else.
Let me make myself clear: “I hate roller coasters. They scare me. I hate Cedar Point. I hate dealing with the crowds. I hate standing in line. I hate it I hate I hate it.”
One last thing: When my wife worked for the Stroh’s family in Detroit, someone stole her debit card from her purse, which she stored under her desk at her office cubicle. Whoever it was treated their friends to Cedar Point and rang up about $1200. I know it shouldn’t matter, that it’s been years since this incident, but in my mind, that lowlife scumbag and his or her posse were walking around that amusement park, smoking cigarettes and sneering at me.
16 comments:
Did you enjoy roller coasters when you were young? I did. But not now. I think it's an age thing for those of us who've grown leery due to the fact that not only do accidents happen, but at the fact more accidents don't occur!
Glad to see you had a great time. An aficionado amongst the worlds elite roller coaster chasers. Just strap yourself in, scream and enjoy the ride. Kinda like our jobs. Enjoyed the post. MW :)
I actually wrote this post prior to my knowledge about the Six Flags roller coaster accident yesterday. From what I heard, a few thrill seekers had hydraulic fluid sprayed in their faces. Also, an ambulance(s) seemed to be carting a few unfortunate souls away. I hope everyone survived the trauma.
'Let me make myself clear: “I hate roller coasters. They scare me. I hate Cedar Point. I hate dealing with the crowds. I hate standing in line. I hate it I hate I hate it.”'
My sentiments exactly. I've always hated these kinds of nauseating rides, even as a little kid.
Plus, I hate feeling penned in -- claustrophobic.
My ex-wife loved these things. Probably still does.
I hate roller coasters. And I hate people who steal debit cards. I'm totally with you on this one.
I had to change my blog address, so if you click on this link, you will get my new blog.
*sigh*
Jim, I hate roller coasters as well! I won't go on any of the new high twisting ones! Muy peligroso. I didn't hear about the Six Flags incident yesterday but if you did, I surely wouldn't want any of my family on them!!! --Bro, Ron
I'm with you on this one Jim, before all the neck and back fusions I too had to ride them with my kids. Fortunately this was years before I became sometimes incontinent or I am sure I would have pee'd myself.
Do you remember Edgewater park, used to be in the Telegraph and 8 mile area, every ride in my memory looked like it had lose bolts and that they swayed and bucked as they moved the cars up and down and around those curves.
Yeah I enjoyed that then I got older and now I (HA HA ON you) am physically banned from them.
No thanks Bud they have just made those damn roller coasters and thrill rides a little to roller and a bit to thrilling for my old man tastes.
peace and
congratulations for not puking on your woman,
mark
I like the older rides that there isn't a line for.
My mom hates them, too. And all the aspects of any of those crowded, unfriendly and crass grabass conventions like Cedar Point.
But she liked hanging out by the beer and icecream, while we waited in lines at the big name rides.
But I hate the roller coasters of life, events or emotions. That's definitely not a fun ride.
Ahhh, I was on one of those nightmare roller coaster rides once......when the seat belt arm didn't come down and lock in place....
being all of about 100 pounds at the time, I was speghetti by the time we landed back at the beginning, with neck burns from the guy behind me choking me by the collar to keep me seated! You'd think I'd know better by now.....:)
I don't blame you in the least!
My gramma met my grandpa at Strohs, making beer. =D Almost 30 years ago but whatever. (He was my step-grandpa but he was more like a real one to me than the blood one, who I hate.)
Anyways, I hate Cedar Point too. Had to go for years with marching band in high school and hated the rides and spent a lot of time by myself.
After I read articles about roller-coasters shaking up your brain I gave them up. The last thing my brain needs is more shaking up. I do like the spin-you-around-until-you-feel-like-you-can't-stand-up rides. Here's the trick: If your wife like to ride the roller-coaster and you do not, you need to make friends with a similar couple or find a thrill ride friend. That works for us. But that makes you the beer holder.
Great post & photo, Jim! I don't like amusement parks, the heat, the crowds, feeling sick and dizzy. No, not for me, either!
Good for you, JR. I believe many more people secretly hate rollercoasters, but don't wanna admit. ... And yes, the card-theft fiasco would leave me with the same incident/location association that it did with you. I remember pracitcally choking on a slimy, wilted piece of lettuce as a kid, only to heave all up in front of dozens of friends and family; took me years to wanna try lettuce again.
I have never been on a roller coaster, although as a child, I once rode the Octopus 12 times alone on a dare.
I think that life is scary enough without looking for it.
I have watched Flip and his sister ride the roller coaster at Santa Cruz, and this summer, I watched Flip and my adult daughter ride the cyclone at Coney Island.
I fully expect to make it through life without ever going on one, maybe BECAUSE I intend to avoid them forever.
I hate hate hate amusement parks or rides of any kind. Do enough risk-taking without paying actual money for it. Lots of my friends adore these things and are forced to go alone. Ha! I will only go to the after-party.
When I lived in S. Ontario I'd always wanted to go to Cedar Point, actually. I never did get there, though. Although Charles may be with you in the roller coaster dept., I'm definitely with your wife. Yeeeeee-HAH!
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