I know what you’re thinking, and if you had one of those web cams perched atop your computer monitor, I’d trace the movement of your eyes and discredit your observations. First, it's not an errant tooth you’re staring at; it’s a salted shell I cracked between my molars and rolled around my tongue in search of its buried treasure. I always bring a large supply of sunflower seeds to share with my fellow anglers at our annual Bayport, Michigan, Catfish Tournament. It’s the thought that counts, even if they refuse my offer. “Too much sodium” and “I have to watch my blood pressure”—from men swigging Jim Beam or Jack Daniels from shared bottles circulating the campfire. They chase it with the beer of their choice and flick twist-off caps into the flames for entertainment.
I know where you stand on this sharing thing. I most certainly agree. Alcohol, no matter how wicked the proof, doesn’t kill every germ and bacteria on contact. So why are your disapproving eyes gravitating toward my midsection, toward the t-shirt my wife shrunk in the wash? You think I gave up on exercise, that I let myself go? Rest assured, my lifestyle hasn’t changed all that much. It’s true, I let my health club membership expire; I haven’t been running outside; I’m drinking at the higher end of the moderate level. Hey, we all have our vices.
Let me explain my Buddha-like posture.
Why are you shaking your head? I see you’re laughing too. Did I say something funny? Can we be serious for a moment? Appearances are deceiving. You, of all people should know that. Stop it! Click HERE for a perfectly logical explanation regarding my physique.
17 comments:
Very well done. And I'm not talking about a steak, either.
I love talking directly to the reader. Makes me feel like I have more friends that what I actually have. You ran with it, though.
Alcohol doesn't kill every germ? My secret to quick recovery from colds is to go to the bar. Seemed effective on viruses, that's for sure. Maybe it's a placebo effect...
The bar is also a relief from allergies; nice air conditioned environments like that help out quite a bit.
I do have one of those webcams. I haven't used it or I hope I haven't. Half the time I am in my nighties when I type on this thing.
You look great, pal. I love my new Detroit pals. Now to make Eric happy I need a new post, but I am brain dead. Too much alcohol, I suppose.
I wish it were that easy to shed the belly... just take it off like a backpack, but the little paunch I have is not slung over my shoulder. =) Make mine a Vernors! So how did the fishing go?
For just a nanosecond there I thought, "Oh, thaaat's why he never smiles, he's only got one tooth," then I realized...
Beer bellies are actually kinda cute. I actually prefer them to "six packs".
Haha! Very funny! Eric's defended the use of bar environmente very well, and I like this style of writing very much!
Enjoyed the read. Got a good laugh. Won't be seeing you for a while. My younger brother passed away this afternoon. See you when I see you. MW
MW,
Sorry to hear that. Sending my condolences. Take care.
Yeah, right.
Good writing, but,
WTF
Last I figured from your recent pictures you're over 21; so eat what you want, drink what you want, and spit the shells into the fire to see if you can make them land on the bottle tops.
I never minded sharing my Jim Beam but 99.99% of the time after 1989 I drank alone so someone else's spit on the rim of the bottle was never and issue, although I have shared wine with guys outside a party store and down and outers who asked for a hit of the hooch and never caught anything but perspective.
By the way the few
Tiger games i went to in the old stadium I just strapped a pint of Beam to my thigh and walked right through. Didn't make the game any better but thinking of different ways to take a drink was interesting, But I never threw the empty pint on the field during the seventh inning stretch.
Peace
mark
Priceless.
Sorry about MW's brother, too.
I thought it was a tongue ring. And I thought, 'that guy's hip'.
That's a pretty tame beer belly!
And I didn't think it was an errant tooth - thought you might be showing us all your tongue piercing!
Okay, I'm laughing, but who do you have to hide the booze from? the fish? lol
Last Feb I had the worst cold and was all stuffed up and couldn't breathe. A friend got me a drink called a Rusty Nail (I'd never had one before) and he was shocked when I said, "MMMM this is GOOD!" I think he thought I was going to fall over from it. But it did help the stuffiness - if only for that night. lol
Jim, I saw the beer belly myself and have been interested in getting one ALTHOUGH, I already have one!!!! Looked like your tooth fell out until I realized you were eating those damn sun flower seeds again. Sorry to hear about MW's brother. --Bro, Ron
Hey Jim,
This one cracked me up and I loved the link! Writers don't need to work out like maniacs and drinking is just fine in this profession. The way I see it, you're exactly where you need to be.
toooooo funny about the beer belly!
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