Tuesday, May 5, 2009

THOUGHTS






















Stopping is the easy part for me. I’m not really conscious of it—saying nothing, writing nothing—it just happens. I’m not exactly paralyzed by it either. I don’t feel any outward pressure forcing me to do what I both enjoy and hate. I don’t feel the need to beat myself up over it. When the time presents itself, I’ll take advantage of it.

Lately I’ve been having difficulty constructing simple sentences, starting ideas. When you’re a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-nothing, your mind flits about, I think of all kinds of stories, yet I remain silent.

I’ll admit: I’m good at endings, but not so good at beginnings. It’s reaching that fugal state of mind that I miss. I need to become someone else, someone whose actions are deliberate, carefully planned, a confident person who knows the road he’s traveling on. But I’m not moving. I’m stagnant. Life’s funny that way.

My brother and sister-in-law are leaving Michigan (like so many others). It won’t happen overnight. They’ll need to sell their house and its furnishings. You can’t take everything across the Atlantic Ocean. I wish them well. There’s no telling when I’ll see them again.

As for me, I’ll stay put. I’ve already chopped up three book cases and tossed them to the curb. I have a garage full of novels and short story collections that’ll more than likely be thrown out as well. I’m thinking of renting a jackhammer and busting up the concrete floor in my basement. I even drew a diagram showing what I’ll replace the broken drain tiles with. I hate my leaky basement, but I love my home. I have no intentions of going anywhere, except for the occasional fishing trip.

18 comments:

jodi said...

J.R. You are so zen! Do they ever say 'a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of writing'?

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm better at beginnings.

http://www.creativewriting.ca said...

They told Fitzgerald, when he was stuck, "Write about the block."
He did and you did.
And it came out gangbusters.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Great way to clear a writing block!

the walking man said...

The exertion physical is a form of exorcism for the mental. Have fun with the hammer and don't forget to wear leather palmed gloves.

Beth said...

It’s good to know when to stop. And when you finally return to writing (be it freelance or blogging) you’re doing so because you want to, not because you feel you must or should. That shows in the writing.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

Snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in thi blog.
Did a brilliant turn, like Fitzgerald hade once executed. Write about the block! Gangbusters!

Anonymous said...

Snatched victory from the jaws of defeat in thi blog.
Did a brilliant turn, like Fitzgerald hade once executed. Write about the block! Gangbusters!

--Ivan

Celticspirit said...

What are you replacing the basement floor with?
Sorry to hear about your brother and SIL leaving.
Hope your week is a good one.

Lana Gramlich said...

Sorry to hear your bro & his family's moving across the pond. I hope y'all have a great time together before they leave.
As for the stagnance, I think we BOTH need a vacation.

Julie said...

Hello, fellow fisherman and writer. Fishing in Michigan was awesome (I used to live in OH). I wish you well with the catch. It's sad to see people leaving. Maybe your brother and sister-in-law's move would be a good story or inspiration?

I'm impressed that you're good with endings. I'm good with beginnings and bad with endings. Weird.

But I'm glad you're here and keeping at it.

jodi said...

Hey JR- Hacome the blog wouldn't let me comment?

Donnetta Lee said...

Hi, JR: I'm kind of a stay put person, too. I like my home in Oklahoma. I'm happy just hanging out here. If I didn't have to go to Florida with my husband, I'd probably just never go. My brother is talking about moving to New Mexico and I've thought about it, too--but probably won't happen! My roots keep growing deeper. D

Catvibe said...

You know, I'm glad you wrote this, shows I'm not alone...But I like your take, your slant doesn't have all the self imposed clubbing that mine seems to have. It's good, I'll take that as a good lesson! Fishing is a nice metaphor for finding stories. :-)

Anonymous said...

Your photographer is awesome. Are you paying him for those pics?

MW :) Hey you can always write about the bonesharks, and catfish hunters in the prison setting.

Erik Donald France said...

And God go with you, dude! That's tough when loved ones go overseas.

My family moved so much before I was ten, I'm kind of used to it. But I also understand the love of place.

ivan@creativewriting.ca said...

JR,

This just in to me from another blogger:

If I see someone has comment moderation, I don't go back. They've lost me forever. There's no need for comment moderation

JR's Thumbprints said...

Ivan, I certainly agree. Don't know exactly what happened. I accidentally changed my settings when I tried to delete some Chinese Sex Blogging comment. It'll never happen again, accidentally or otherwise. Thanks.

P.S. How long is never anyways?