When a student Christmas Trees his answer sheet on a timed test and announces, “I’m finished. Can I leave now?”—You spread your holiday cheer, “Mr. Akers, I’m going to provide you with the full allotment of time so that you can do your very very best.”
He thinks you’re uninspiring and gets confrontational. He lifts up his evidence, wields it like a courtroom exhibit; he’s the defense attorney discrediting your statement. “It don’t take no rocket scientist to see that I’m finished.”
You provide him a viable option. “Then sit quietly until everyone’s done.”
He stews for what seems like eternity. He focuses his every evil desire onto you; if he could will it, he’d laser your forehead with his stare; if the truth were to be told … he’s killed an entire family for less than this. “C’mon y’all! I ain’t waitin’ forever!”
You press your index finger to your lips. “Sssshhh.”
“Don’t you ssshhh me.”
Five minutes pass and he hasn’t blinked once. He says, “This is a waste of time. Yours and mine.”
You don’t smile, unless you call that grin a smile. You tell him that he could have a flash of genius which could lead to his changing an answer … maybe here or maybe there, you indicate … and you tell him you will see to it that he’s not cheated out of not one minute, not one second of his precious test-taking time. Some students snicker, others laugh. They’re the brave ones. They’ve been through it before. They’re accustomed to your stock answers, Better to be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass.
Twenty more ticks of the clock, one-third of an hour gone by. You call it out of necessity: “Times up. Pencils down. Booklets closed.” You deliberately collect his test material last before dismissing everyone, before saying, “Have a nice day.”
13 comments:
Gee, I've been on both sides of this picrure.
As a test adminisrator, I'd just let the Speedy Gonzles leave early.
Later, having descended to the level of Speedy Gonzales and taking a test myself in industry, my rapid completion of the test seemed an affront to human resouces guy.
I reaaly did not do all that well.
My rationalization was tht it was hard to fly when you're working with turkeys.
But then maybe I gobbled a bit there, like your inmate.
Man, you nailed it.
Scary stuff, teaching. And inmates, to boot?
I wonder what better place he had to go to?
The test in question, the TABE - "Test of Adult Basic Education," predicates an overall grade equivalency. Most of my students are forced to take it, and I can't let them leave early. Why? You may ask. What if one of my students kills another human being when he's supposed to be under my watch? Who gets blamed? The inmates are expected to do the wrong thing, whereas, my fellow coworkers and I are held to a much higher standard.
Oops! Too early in the morning. I meant "predicts" and not "predicates."
Oops! Too early in the morning. I meant "predicts" and not "predicates."
But I'm sure he would have used his time productively.
To insure that the inmate harms no one else is your job, too? Dude you are one brave bad ass!! B careful.
You seem to always be testing. When do you teach? How is testing going beside the tabe? MW :)
I don't know how you find the patience. If I had your job I would have blown a gasket a long time ago...
You're a very brave man. Indeed!
I love the tension. Even though it's a real situation from a literary standpoint this is vintage.
That'll learn 'em...hopefully (although I'm not holding my breath.)
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