From what I gather, Prisoner #1, pushed by Prisoner #2, stole vegetables (and fruit) from the garden, in the words of Kid Rock, all summer long. Prisoner #1 must’ve been quick, really really quick, and brazen. You don’t steal from another prisoner’s garden plot unless you’re prepared to do battle with the farmer, the grower, the nurturer of these food bearing plants. His accomplice—can I call him that?—had nothing to do with it. If you were to say, “You’re his accomplice,” he’d undeniably deny it. “I,” he would respond, “was merely doing my job.” Why else would he have been in there, in the cultivated dirt? I stand corrected, in the cultivated “soil.”So, when it’s all said and done, when the Horticulture Teacher spots Prisoner #1 sitting there, leaning forward as far as he can, plucking tomatoes he has no business plucking, the short-lived race ensues. Unfortunately, those Wheels of Fortuna are spinning downward. Prisoner #1 is stuck, literally, and in a moment of frustration, he swings his arms into his laps. He’s caught, no doubt about it, and Prisoner #2 is sure to blame.
The Horticulture Teacher asks for Prisoner #1’s identification card, and writes the necessary information, his name and six-digit number, onto a piece of scrap paper before giving it back. “You,” he says, noticing six tomatoes, “have a theft ticket coming.”
After consulting with yours truly, the technical writer, the experienced ticket writer, it is determined that Prisoner #1 and Prisoner #2 earned two major infractions: a) Out of Place – there’s an off limits sign posted, and b) Theft, Possession of Stolen Property.
“How come you didn’t get Prisoner #2’s identification?” I ask.
The Horticulture Teacher explains that he only saw one inmate picking tomatoes; therefore, he didn’t think it was necessary to identify Prisoner #2. I inform him that an “Out of Place” ticket could’ve been written on the accomplice.
During lunch time, a day after the tomato incident, the control center staff phones the Horticulture Teacher, requesting a rewrite on the ticket. “Why did you use his alias?” the sergeant asks. Now, everyone’s confused, wondering whether Prisoner #1, who left the facility on a med run, gave the Horticulture Teacher a fraudulent I.D. card. “Yeah, that’s him,” he says into the receiver, “the guy in a wheelchair.”
The school corrections officer states the obvious: The Horticulture Teacher flipped the picture I.D. card to the backside, which lists a prisoner’s aliases. Later that day, the control center staff requests the tomatoes and gets them. Hopefully they aren’t too ripe since they’ll be stored in the evidence room for God knows how long.
12 comments:
Sounds like this should be a thriller plot, just like the Bourne Idenity. The Tomatoe Affair.
I think it would be a better daytime soap opera. Maybe Judge Judy could come in and give a "decision." Reminds me of little kids messing with each other.
Donnetta
This reminds me of people renting one of my mom's houses some years ago. They stole everything from her garden every night, just as it ripened. They also trashed the house (in a HUGE way,) & mom sent ME to court over it in her stead. Gads, the whole thing was such a disaster...
Brings to mind, for some reason, an American professor accused for stealing a student's essay to base a new thesis on.
The professor, at the hearing produced the student's paper and brandished it for all to see.
"See? There is the plagiarist for you!"
Talk about being in denial.
Love the picture and the post, Jim.
Some say tomATo, some say TomAHto --Oorah!
Hey everyone,
Hopefully the tomato thief will return from the hospital ASAP. Nothing like over ripe fruit rotting in the evidence room.
Tomatoes are tempting. It must be so difficult to be in prison. I can't even imagine!
Jessica,
Remember: I'm doing my sentence in 8-hour increments, 5-days a week.
I wonder if they were getting ready to go to Valencia?
Wow. It starts with tomatos. Next thing- bell peppers. When the thrill of that wears off- all the way on to the lettuce! A regular garden of evil, I tell ya...
one tangled web.
I've had three tomato plants this summer and they've kept my window sill full for four weeks running. Love 'em! When I was a kid in Roseville, I grew them too. Didn't know the prisoners had garden plots.
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