My last post—now considered “blog-fodder”—was my entry in the Writer’s Weekly Summer 2008 24-hour Short Story Contest. The topic (or prompt) was:The bells on the door were still echoing as she stepped further into the old toy store. The owner winked at her and turned back to his black and white television set. She reached under the rack on the back wall and pulled it out. It was just where she'd left it last week. She approached the counter and put the item down. He turned to her, grabbed the item with surprise, and said, "This is NOT for sale..." ~~~~~ WORD COUNT Stories for today's topic must not exceed 900 words. (Your story's title is *not* included in the word count. We use MSWord's word count function to determine the final word count in submission.)
The judging process went something like this: 1) Whittle 500 entries into two categories: the finalists and what I’d like to call “blog-fodder”. 2) Rank the finalists to get the top 23 stories. 3) Reread top 23 and rank 1st ($300), 2nd ($250), 3rd ($200), plus 20 honorable mentions.
The main criteria: weed out stories that are the same, that lack originality; search for good endings. As usual, I got “zilch,” “nada,” “nothing.” I’m as excited as a senior citizen needing hip replacement surgery after Dance Dance Revolution.
Here’s the link to the winners: Top 3 Stories.
Lastly, comments or critiques of my story would be greatly appreciated. Where do you think I erred? What do you think of the top 3 selections? Also, would you enter this contest, and do you think I should enter the next one? Once again, be honest. Remember: I work in a prison, I’m used to negative feedback, and I’ve heard my share of “you suck.” Now if I could only engage in a game of Twister.
14 comments:
Jim after reading the top three winners and re-reading yours I would have to say that the one thing that stuck out was the tension.
While your piece had tension it wasn't in the dialogue between the actors but rather in Ruth's feelings about herself. Also the bell & television only needed a passing mention but you made them repetitive points.
Of the four though I would rank your ending third behind the rapist murder and the pick pocket. It was clever and in my inconsequential opinion the line that told the entirety of your whole short.
TWM,
You questioned the plausibility of my story: whether Old Man Gordy would've paid that much attention to the ballgame instead of looking for his internet dreamgirl's entrance - I believe that sticking point is what got my story tossed. I still think it's far more believeable than the pickpocket story.
As for tension, you are correct again; Ruth's internal dialogue, her conflict, is what sets the whole thing into motion. As for the repetitive points, at least my bell "quivered," instead of "rang."
Funny thing is: Ruth gets just the opposite of what she's hoping for - a man with money. The big disconnect between Ruth & Gordy are their initial comments toward one another.
Keep the comments coming. Should I try another go at this contest?
I think you should make a video of this. Get your friends or kids to act.
It's as good a vignette as any on our hopeless CBC.
You might be surprised at how good this really is.
Always enter the "next" one.
Good luck in your writing career and thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment.
There are no 'short buses' only short people.
"Should I try another go at this contest?"...Jim to be an established author is what you want. You already have more pubcred than some who want the same thing so why would you stop doing the things necessary to get closer to your goal?
Ivan, Thanks for the compliment, but where's the criticism? Are you feeling okay?
TWM, Uh... it cost five bucks to enter. I'm not sure the odds are in my favor anyway. Let me use this analogy: A new television show appears and I like it, so I watch it for three weeks straight. Then it's cancelled. Most viewers don't like it; they want to be entertained; just don't make them think. For some reason those t.v. executives remind me of these writing contest judges.
I've outlasted every fitness fad in the last three decades and believe you've got what it takes. Don't give up! You can do it! Keep sweatin' to the oldies my dear.
Richard Simmons
Very analogous as to why I never submit anything anymore Jim...but the difference between you and I, is I simply don't care.
It's only the writing I care about, mine, yours and, everyone else who I read on a regular basis.
"Never more" quoth the fat man; who just wishes the success on others that they wish for themselves.
Very understandable TWM. Perhaps there's more exposure running the Naked Mile in Ann Arbor, than competing in a contest.
I am with the walking man. I don't submit anymore. I have found THE outlet in the internet and there's where I stay.
For purely personal reasons, I've lately given up short story contests. I've recently starting submitting to mags again. And yet. And yet. I flirt with the idea of giving all that up and simply writing for my pleasure...and maybe just publishing on my blog. I ask myself: why do I crave THEIR validation?
I in NO way feel confident to critique fiction, considering I haven't read it much in over 10 years now (& I'm certainly no writer or writing critic!)
However, I must say that it looks like you're putting on your "Tron" suit in that picture! *LOL*
Um...JR, you neglected to note that the same SA who got you tangled up in the 24-hour writing contest finished in the top 30 and won a yet-to-be-opened, zipped file of a super e-book about writing "query letters that sell." Wooo hooo! I'm doing the next one. Are you in?
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