When there’s a family emergency the night before my midterm and I’m instructed to buy feminine douche—males are perfectly capable of using the self-checkout I’m told—I immediately cringe. “What if someone I know sees me?” There’s no time for argument. I’m off the hook … kind of … with a compromise. “Let’s go together,” I suggest.
My wife steps out of the half-bath, slides the pocket-door closed. “Hang in there baby,” she says. “We’ll be right back.”
We purchase two packets, Country Flower and Vinegar and Water, eight douche bags total. And even though we do use the self-checkout, a female Kroger employee—who happened to see us entering through the exit door—gives us one of those Why-is-this-couple-buying-feminine-douche (AND ONLY FEMININE DOUCHE) at-11:30 PM-on-a-Friday-night look. Why can’t it wait?
I avoid her stare. My wife, on the other hand, feels the need to explain. “Our dog got sprayed by a skunk and our veterinarian said this was the best way to get rid of the smell.”
I’m happy to report that I did okay on my midterm, that our dog is as fresh as a the premature spring breeze, and that our house reeks something awful.
11 comments:
Ahhh Jim...There is the alcoholic solution, either get a buzz on so you don't care who sees you or drive to a store you don't regularly go to to by the products you need.
That said maybe you wouldn't have gotten "the look" had you added a can or five of air freshener.
Oh man... Know what that is like.
Don't envy you. MW
Ha! Thanks for the tip as to “products” to de-skunk dogs. Had never heard of that one!
haha. I had one buy who came to my register with tampons, saying he was using them for fishing bobbers. Some guys hide these types of things under other products, other's don't let it phase them at all.
I've never bought a douche. I've probably been a douche at some time or another.
My parents' old dog, an 80 pound doberman, got sprayed by a skunk. I don't know if they knew about the douche solution; I think they just washed her repeatedly.
My first job, as a stock clerk/cashier at a Walgreen's required me to stock feminine hygiene products. I quickly stopped caring who saw me doing it. And my mother took advantage of my employee discount and sent me to work with money and a list, including hygeine products.
haha...
Buying this kind of stuff stopped bothering me a few years ago. I just shrug and think "Yeah, I got a woman at home. Beats being a single loser..." Besides which, years ago when we were checking fertility problems I made her take the sperm sample in... ;-)
I love it when Christopher Walken does the Pepe Le Pew on SNL and calls (George Bush?) Le douchebag.
Oh poor JR, forced to deal with that evil of evil, gasp!--feminine hygiene. It's NEVER good. Poor puppy, hope he's smellin' better!!
Too funny. How about tomato juice for the skunk stench?
the end of the post can be summed up as "and they lived happily ever after."
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