Place a nursing home escapee on a motorcycle and let him ride into the night. That’s what I rolled with in the “Running Wind” short fiction contest. Three words shy of the maximum 250 and I’m not sure I hit all the right notes. Did I try to do too much in such a short space? Did this in turn lead to discontinuity? Would I have faired better with a simple chronological story? And then there’s word choice… Read my story here.
The self-doubt lingers, but I’ll move on.
Wait! One last thing—actually two—I revised my main character’s last line from “I had an accident” to “I didn’t make it.” Do you think it was the right decision?
Secondly, my odds on favorites to place in the top five are:
Henry Young “Bitch” - A biker gets his revenge on a relationship gone bad.
Charles Gramlich “Precious Cargo” – A biker makes a heartwarming rescue.
Sheri Perl-Oshins “GPS” – A daughter handles her Biker Dad’s navigation while simultaneously facing a dilemma of her own.
After reading 45 entries, my pick to win the whole enchilada is “GPS.” However, the contest is still open (click here: The Clarity of Night ), but you better be quick if you’re going to enter.
12 comments:
Wow, this shows you how different people's tastes are because your top picks are miles away from mine. I think Sarah Hina might take the whole shebang. Vampire stuff is not her usual, but what a job she did with it ... and wow, some of those lines she used. Potent quotables!
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I have such a good time getting to know others through these contests!
Nice fish! Haha.
There are such a variety of entries it's going to come down to the judge's taste I imagine. a lot of good stuff there though.
(Sorry I had some kind of computer glitch so I had to delete my first comment. Hehem, what I was trying to say was...)
JR, I am truly touched! Even if I don't win, knowing that it is at least your opinion that I should makes me feel amazing!
I liked your story very much too. It was tender and bitter sweet. My grandma had dementia and/or Alzheimer and she got lost once in Santa Monica. It was very scary for everyone, so I really related adn thought you captured this unfortunate stage of life very well.
BTW, I am glad you changed your line to 'I didn't make it.' I like that much better.
Reminds me of David Lynch, truly. Love the flashing changes in apparent PoV. Cheers!
The word choice is right on target.
Hi JR,
Thanks for dropping by. I really enjoyed your entry. I loved the crisp prose and the way it moved. As for judging, Jason has a set of criteria, and it really is unpredictable how he goes, but my sense is that you have a shot as well. I can't even guess, but Ello's entry might make a splash from my sense of Jason's tastes. Sarah is definitely in there. I'm not sure what my personal favorite is yet. I never make it through the whole bunch.
As for your proposed edit, I totally agree. "I didn't make it" is far better, IMHO.
By the way, I've seen every Six Feet Under episode. You have very good taste!
Beth will back me on this one. Dexter. Great series, starring the star of Six Feet Under (C. Michael Hall?) Dark, tense and funny.
Well done. I love the idea of a nursing home escapee on a motorcycle.
And I agree with the change in your character's last line. "I didn't make it" is preferable. Works on two levels.
I liked this one very much. It's easy for us to misunderstand the capacities... and in capacities of the elderly.
I've read that every 80 year-old still feels like a 30 year-old inside. O'Malley was still a young biker dude, even if only in his own mind.
Think I'll take a pass, but I wish them well.
Great story, James.
I liked it also!! When, or if I get old, it will be my way of escaping.
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