Once upon a time there was an 85-year-old woman who made a cup of hot chocolate for a neighbor because he was such a nice young man, always helping out around her house, always shoveling her driveway, doing nice things, such a wonderful wonderful young man. So she invited him into her home, served him hot chocolate, but her frail shaky hands couldn’t hold the cup steady enough and she accidentally spilled its contents. The young man, looking forward to warming up, didn’t take too kindly to having a hot liquid dumped on him so he beat her with his fists and he beat her and he beat her bad. Now he’s in prison for it. Let’s call him Prisoner H.C., short for Hot Chocolate.
I’ll get back to him.
Here’s the jump cut (you may start to laugh while reading this paragraph, but you won’t for long, in fact, now that I’ve warned you, you may not laugh at all): They sell petroleum jelly, or should I say lubricant? —No, no, no—let’s call it by its trademark name: They sell Vaseline in the men’s prison. It’s on the store list.
So is instant hot cocoa mix.
Before you jump to conclusions regarding a relationship between Big Bubba and the young man of our story, before you visualize him in a compromising position or think he deserves whatever’s coming his way for beating an 85-year-old woman to within an inch of her life, I’d like to talk about the dangers of microwaves. We have microwaves in the inmate housing units; something the MCO (Michigan Corrections Organization) has been trying to get removed for a long time now. Some prisoners, you see, mainly those with a history of assault, have been known to cook-up a mixture of Vaseline and water in their plastic coffee mugs. Several months ago a 49-year-old officer at Huron Valley Men’s Facility suffered 2nd degree burns to his face plus long-term damage to his eye from the deliberate actions of a cowardly inmate and his premeditated actions. Unfortunately, no one has made a decision on moving the microwaves out of the units.
Back to Prisoner H.C. - one of his peers, a fellow convict, someone who obviously knew why H.C. came to prison, someone who respects his elders, assaulted H.C. with a piping hot mixture of Vaseline and water. I can only imagine what the attacker said, “What’cha gonna do now, Bitch?”
I’ll bet the microwaves are history soon. What do you think?
11 comments:
I'll say this; Let's HOPE so, but I'm not holding my breath. Bureaucracy's one HELL of a bitch!
See William H. Macy as the red-headed prison bitch in the film version of David Mamet's "Edmond" (2005)--Oscar Winner
Microwave or no I think in HC's world karma dictates that reality burns.
Over here in't UK they get satellite TV and luxuries many old people can't afford.
Some even get to bonk their girls.
Some'ats screwy here.
Should have let a gang of old grannies loose on the shit with their zimmers.
They should have been removed long ago – certainly (immediately) after the incident with the officer – and, yeah, the decision will probably (belatedly) be made now...
(BTW, I’m a union supporter – just tired, confused and frustrated while trying to stay afloat...)
Egad.
NOrman Mailer says when you go down the hole, you really go down the hole.
"Puff the magic Prisoner"
Litle Jackie Paper loved that Rascal Puff.
Stuffed his bum with Nestles and other fancy stuff.
You've gotta wonder who thought it was a good idea in the first place to put microwaves in the prisoner's area.
Ditch the micros! Vaseline as a lubricant? C'mon everybody knows that the petroleum makes it non water soluble. Get with it you prison boards! Happy Easter to you J.R. I hope you have the day off!
brutal...
The fickle finger of fate.
Just saw a part of American Gangster recently, the scene where microwaves are brand new and one is offered as a bribe. Some bribe.
Case of instant karma. Hopefully, things will go better for all next time around. Especially if the microwaves are history. D
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